The Power of Social Media

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after Mother’s Day and a busy week at work and a week of running. I didn’t write much this last week because I’m still noodling over my story, and I’ve been busy with other things. My oldest will walk in his graduation ceremony tomorrow. I’m so excited for him as he starts this new chapter in his life. I’m also sad. I told my hubby it’s time to have another baby. Let’s just say, I freaked him out…a little. 😉

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But enough about that, today I’d like to talk about something I’ve noticed on social media. It’s nothing new. People taking selfies and posting them on Facebook or Instagram that’s the norm these days. What I’m beginning to suspect is that people are doing certain activities just to post them on social media.

This has me worried. What kind of connections do we really have if we’re engaging in activities just to create an image on the internet? Our focus should be on improving our relationships and staying in the present moment.

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I use Facebook to connect with friends I haven’t seen in a while or that live far away and to market my books. I know. I was one of those authors. Heavy sigh. In my defense, I knew nothing about marketing on Facebook and that’s all I’m going to say about that. LOL.

So many people including our next generation are using social media to sell the idea of themselves whether it’s true or not. Don’t you see where this could be a little confusing for them?

For example, let’s say they post an image of them baking. What if they want to be a master chef? What happens if they don’t get many likes? Will they stop pursuing that dream because it wasn’t popular with their followers?

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Now, I know this is an extreme example, but it sure does make you think, doesn’t it?

Is social media going to dictate what goals our next generation pursues based on likes? Right now, this is the power of social media. This power is in its infancy, but it’s there lurking below the surface. I say this because social media’s sole purpose is to keep the user engaged, using any means necessary. That means it will post pictures and articles in your feed to keep you scrolling. They’ve gathered all this information based on what images you interact with on social media.

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So, it’s not such a stretch that it could influence our behavior if we’re not careful. So, instead of taking pictures for selfies to post, let’s stay present with our families and friends. Let’s show our kids what a real connection is.  We do this by engaging in activities we actually enjoy and spending time with people we enjoy as well. Let’s show our kids that’s where true happiness lies not on Fakebook posting selfies of what we think our friends and followers will like.

How about you? How do you connect with people you love? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Letting Go in a Dangerous World

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. It has been a busy week with work and writing. I’m still noodling about my story. I have to decide which way I want to go before I put all the pieces together, but I’m getting there. Winter has finally left us. My tulips have finally started to bloom. It’s good to get outside and feel the warm air, but enough about that.

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 Today, I’d like to talk about letting go. Something I wasn’t prepared to do. I don’t know if any parent is prepared for this, but right before my eyes my boys have grown up. They don’t need me to tie their shoes or kiss their wounds any longer. It’s hard to let go.

I wasn’t ready for this. My oldest is going to college soon and I worry. What if a mass shooter comes to his school and shoots it up? What if someone tries to blackmail him on social media? What if someone slips some drugs into his drink when he isn’t looking? The world is such a dangerous place right now.

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How can I make my boys understand the danger? How do I teach them to protect themselves? How do I teach them to be vigilant and look for danger before it finds them?

These are the questions I ask myself. Because when I raised them, I focused on teaching them how to be a good person and a good friend. I taught them to follow the rules, but now the world is full of people who don’t follow the rules. How do I protect them from those people?

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There was a school shooting in Oxford Michigan a year and a half ago, and the parents have been arrested and charged as well because they knew of their son’s fragile mental condition and did nothing. They bought the gun for him. How do I protect my kids from these people?

My first thought is to teach them to defend themselves. But how can they defend themselves from a mass shooter? Do I give them both a gun?

Does anyone else see where this is going? If we don’t do something soon this problem is going to get worse. We need to look at countries that don’t have a mass shooter problem and emulate them until we come up with something better. We need to nip this in the bud.

I say we look at Canada and emulate their gun control laws then maybe I wouldn’t be so afraid to let go. Maybe I could enjoy watching my boys bloom.

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Protecting them from the real threats on social media is a little easier. They still listen to me (Thank God) and right now, they’re not active on the popular sites, but it’s only a matter of time. I feel less worried about this one because my kids’ school has been very good at communicating the dangers of social media to their students. Hopefully, these lessons will stick.

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These are some solutions to some very dangerous problems. How about you? Do you have any ideas on how to protect our kids from the threats that are out there? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Thursday Thoughts

I saw this meme on Facebook and had to share with all of you. I hope your Thursday is going well!

Wednesday Wisdom

I saw this on Facebook, and it made me think. I thought maybe this would resonate with some of you parents as well.

Pursue your Joy

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a week of work and writing. I’ve made some headway on my story and I’m loving where this is going. Hopefully, this is the one.

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But enough about that, today I’d like to talk about doing what brings you joy. Many people grow up believing there’s a single career path they need to follow because it’ll lead them to success. They work hard to achieve this lustrous goal only to find when they achieve it, they aren’t as happy as they thought they’d be.

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Now a lot of this is the fault of parents who with good intentions wish to raise self-sufficient adults. But instead of telling our kids they need to make a lot of money. Let’s tell them to find what brings them joy and do that. Maybe if we had kids pursuing those dreams we’d have fewer unhappy teens and fewer teen suicides.

I know what you’re thinking, if we have kids pursuing a dream of being an artist and they can’t sell their art, how do they become self-sufficient? A very good question and I am here with an answer.

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In order to pursue their joy, a young adult has to be able to support their dream. They must buy paint, brushes, and canvases, right? So, to do that they’ll have to get a job. Now, the job isn’t all that important, it’s just money to support their dream, but they’ll learn so much from that job. They’ll learn how to get along with people. They’ll learn negotiating skills, and most importantly, they’ll learn what they don’t want to do with their lives. That’s an important lesson to learn, don’t you think?

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Another reason everyone should pursue their joy is because it builds resilience. It’s true. I’ve found that a person can handle their bad days on the job, if they know they’re working there for something other than just the money. If they know it’s helping them obtain some other goal.

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If they’re there just for the money, they may start to feel trapped and that leads to depression.

So, teach your kids to chase their joy. Whatever it may be. It’ll teach them so much about life and give them direction. Moving forward is important, but we as parents can’t pick our kids lifestyles and goals. They must pick those for themselves. So, why not encourage them to chase something that makes them happy?

Now, most kids have more than one goal. Let’s say they want to be an artist, and have a family. So, now they have more than one goal, and they need to find a job that can support both goals. So, now they really have to think about how to do that. They may start looking into careers that require artistic talent like a graphic artist or an architect. See how this all works? They reached their goals pursuing what they loved to do, and they’re happy.

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I know this sounds simplistic, and there are many ways obstacles appear on everyone’s journey, but when you break it down, it really is as uncomplicated as this.

Thanks for reading my post. What makes you happy? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

Sextortion: Another Danger on Social Media

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you.  I’m back today after a busy week at work and writing, but enough about that. This week I was saddened by the news that a young boy in our state committed suicide. I didn’t know the boy, but whenever I hear of a teen killing themselves it upsets me.

This particular boy was talking with a young girl on social media. Only she wasn’t a young girl, she was a predator posing as a young girl. This predator sent this teen a naked picture of herself and manipulated this boy into sending a naked picture of himself.

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Within seconds of sending that picture, the predator sent him a message telling him if he didn’t pay $5000.00, then the predator would post his picture all over social media. Can you imagine the terror this young man felt? His shame and embarrassment? He sent them all the money he had, but the predator demanded more.

This poor child thought the only recourse he had was to kill himself. Can you imagine the depths of his despair? He was a bright kid with a bright future.

These predators are ruthless and smart. They know how to manipulate a young mind. So, parents please talk to your teens about the dangers of social media. They have enough to deal with navigating the trials and tribulations of high school without some predator stalking them on sites they go to to virtually hang out.

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The authorities are calling this sextortion.

To prevent this from happening to your child, talk to them about the dangers of social media, even if they don’t want to hear it. Keep the lines of communication open so when they’re unsure about a situation they’ll feel comfortable talking to you, and if they don’t make sure they have a trusted adult in their lives they can go to.

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Remember, predators are ruthless. The more you as a parent are involved with your kids, the less likely their manipulations will work on your child. I’m not a psychologist but I do know that parental involvement is the name of the game. Keep showing up for your kids even if they push you away.

They may act like you’re irritating them, but they’ll appreciate you just the same. Thanks for stopping by and reading my post. How do you protect your child from predators on social media? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Raising a Highly Sensitive Child

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a week off due to an illness. I can’t remember when I’ve been so sick, but it’s over now and I’m on the mend.

Today, I’d like to talk about dealing with a sensitive child. I have one and I was one, so I know they need to be handled a little differently than a more rambunctious toddler.

It has been proven that sensitivity and intelligence are linked. The more sensitive you are the more intelligent you are. I’ve noticed with my sensitive guy, that this is true. He gets good grades with ease, and he learns things quickly.

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Highly-sensitive boys feel their emotions deeply and because of this they can become overwhelmed. They can also stretch themselves too thin.  They tend to be people pleasers and perfectionists. So, we as parents need to help them to set healthy boundaries and teach them just because they feel everything doesn’t mean they’re responsible for it.

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Many highly sensitive people get trapped in taking on too much responsibility in situations because they feel the emotions of a person in agony, and try to solve the problem when it isn’t their problem. So, teaching them healthy boundaries and what they’re actually responsible for is a must.

For our sensitive littles, home must be a safe haven. Try to keep conflict to a minimum, especially between parents. Sensitive kids can zero in on a conflict and it can stress them out. Try to handle your conflicts in a calm manner, and if you can’t, try to keep it away from your sensitive kids.

Encourage your sensitive child to express their needs. Tell them they’re an important member of the family, and their needs need to be met. Many sensitive kids grow up putting their needs last because they care about other people so much.

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Because they feel things so deeply, we as parents have to be careful about discipline. Most sensitive kids don’t need to be harshly disciplined. They need to know they are still loved in spite of their mistakes. A calm conversation with them is really all that’s needed. At least, that has been my experience. Also having a connection with their family is important, too. So, family fun nights are a must.

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So, there you have it, my experience dealing with a sensitive child. How about you? What are your experiences? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Raising Empathetic Kids

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back after a busy week at work. I’ve been working on my story, too, but it’s not going as fast as I hoped it would. Life keeps getting in the way. LOL.

But enough about that. Today I’d like to talk about empathy. Did you know that kids today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago? That is a scary statistic. On the positive side though, empathy can be taught.

Good parenting is more important than ever now. Our world has changed dramatically with the surge in technological advances. With our ability to create our image on social media regardless if it is true or not, and the way our politicians spin their stories to look the best to voters is an indication these changes aren’t always positive.

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So, what can parents do to make sure they’re raising empathetic kids? The first step is to make sure parents provide a positive environment where kids feel secure. This creates an environment where they feel safe and is the foundation for a positive learning environment. So, let’s talk about empathy.

 There are two types of empathy. The first is affective empathy. This is something we’re born with, and whether we develop it further depends on our experiences and environment. So how do we flex our children’s empathic muscle?

 We must help kids develop self-regulating tools. Tools that help them regulate their own negative emotions. Once they know how to handle their own emotions, they’ll be able to identify those types of emotions in others. Studies have shown kids who know how to regulate their own negative emotions show greater empathetic concern for others.

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This means we acknowledge negative emotions rather than dismissing them.  Become an emotion coach. Help your child understand their emotions by labeling and defining them, then give them ways to deal with them.

Another tip is for parents to understand how guilt and shame play a role in empathy. For example,  if a child feels guilty because he made a bad choice, and it resulted in a negative outcome for another,  he’ll more than likely feel empathy toward the other child. However, if a parent tries to shame that child into feeling empathy, he won’t. He’ll resist what his parents are attempting to teach him because he doesn’t like feeling ashamed and instead of being receptive, he’ll be defensive.

Another aspect of empathy is cognitive empathy. This is where your child looks at a situation from another person’s perspective. One good way to do this is to read a story and discuss the events from the perspective of different characters. Did you know that children who read are more empathetic? Studies have shown that children who read have brains that become sensitized to the fictional characters, and this spills over into the real world by teaching kids to see things from another perspective.

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So, there you have it a few tips to help teach empathy to our kids. Let’s turn that statistic around. How about you? Do you have some tried and true tips to teaching empathy? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Other articles on empathy:

https://parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips/

https://parentingscience.com/emotion-coaching/

Are Your Kids Resilient?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve had a busy week of working and running, but sadly not writing, but I hope to remedy that this weekend. But enough about that. Today, I’d like to blog about building resilience in our kids?

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It seems like mass shootings are on the rise, suicides are on the rise, and our mental health is declining. These factors tell me that we need to build resilience in our kids. Life is hard and we need to help them handle the curveballs life throws at all of us.

So, how do we create resilience in our kids? I did a little research and I found there are seven key components to building resiliency.

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1. Competence.  Building competence goes beyond getting good grades. One of the best ways to build competence is to ask your child to complete a chore. Have him or her help around the house. Being able to cook and clean for themselves makes our children have confidence in their ability to take care of themselves which is also an important element of self-care.

• Confidence. In order to build confidence, we as parents need to praise them on their efforts as opposed to their intelligence. Kids who have a high level of confidence will be able to bounce back from failing a task. They are more likely to say they’re tactic didn’t work as opposed to they don’t have the ability to do the task. This is an important distinction.

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• Connection is another key component. Our children need to feel connected to the people around them, their family and friends. Disconnection is an element in mass shootings and suicides. We can help our kids feel connected when they’re struggling to master a skill by sharing our own stories of when we struggled. Knowing that it’s normal to struggle when mastering a skill will help them to overcome their frustration and accomplish their goal.

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• Secure in their character. Studies show that children are born with an innate desire to do the right thing. We as parents can help foster that by encouraging empathic behavior and helping them develop an internal moral compass.

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• Contributors. To help kids feel like contributors, show them how their efforts made the family event a success. Have them help with dinner or with the task of cleaning up, then tell them how their efforts made the task go faster or made it easier for you. Show them their actions matter.

• Cope. The ability to cope is another key factor in building resilience. Kids may appear confidence, but when things don’t go according to plan, they fall apart. The ability to manage difficult emotions when faced with adversity helps them view the challenge as a stumbling block. Something they can overcome as opposed to believing the task is beyond them.

• Control. The last factor is control. When a child is raised with consistent caregivers and clear boundaries and connected to the adults in their lives, they feel less stress when challenges arise.

For more information on Building Resilience, click https://www.whitbyschool.org/passionforlearning/7-key-characteristics-of-resilient-children

So, there you have it. The seven key components to building resilience in your kids. How do you build resilience? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

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Be Present This Holiday Season

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a week of work and writing and Christmas shopping. Christmas is my favorite holiday, and this year, I’m hosting Christmas dinner for my extended family. I know it’s going to be a lot of work, but I do enjoy these family events, and the shopping! I love picking out gifts for my loved ones. But enough about that.

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Today, I’d like to talk about being present this holiday season. I’ve noticed over the past year that many people take selfies when they’re out with loved ones and post them on social media. I know this is important when you’re building your brand, but we are so much more than our image on social media.

I challenge everyone to be present with your family and friends this holiday season. Make sure this season is about them and not building your brand. Take pictures for the memories and don’t worry about social media. You can always go back to building your brand after the holidays.

Really enjoy the moment whatever it may be. If you go to a Christmas parade, don’t just take a selfie and be done with it. Put the camera away and be present with your companions. We won’t get these moments back, and they’re so much more satisfying than getting hearts and likes on social media.

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This is how we get our connections back. This is how we strengthen our bonds with our families and friends. This is how we fight disconnection. We can’t afford to become more disconnected than we already are. Research has shown that increased amounts of screen time can be associated with anxiety, depression, and leads to social isolation which in turn leads to lower self-esteem.

I’m not a therapist, but aren’t these all ingredients for mental health issues? What if we increased our ability to be present and strengthen our bonds with family and friends off of social media. Maybe we’d see a decline in mass shootings and suicides.

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So, let’s make sure we’re present this holiday season and strengthen those bonds with our loved ones. Maybe start some new family traditions or hold up some old ones. My family has started a new tradition of playing cards during our time together, and while we’re playing, we reminisce and laugh about our antics growing up. It’s a great way to foster that connection we all need.

How about you? How do you strengthen your family connections? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

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