Volunteering: Another Solution to Teen Angst

Hello Everyone! I hope all is well with you today! I wrote this blog post about three years ago and I thought it was important enough to share again. So, even though some of the info is a little dated. It’s still relevant today.  🙂

I’m back today and I’d like to just touch on some of the teen issues that I’ve discussed in the past, for example, bullying behavior, teen depression, and teen pregnancy. What I’d like to touch on is a possible solution to these problems. 🙂

All of these behaviors are a result of pressures that the young adults feel during these tumultuous years. These years are filled with new challenges and new emotions and this is the first time teens are testing their boundaries. These are exciting and frightening times for them.

So, it’s not surprising that they make some incorrect choices. 🙂 In the past, I’ve said that parental involvement and keeping kids active in sports are ways to combat some of these negative choices. I still believe that parental involvement is very important in developing positive behaviors, but what about the kids who aren’t interested in sports? Some kids just don’t have any inclination in that direction.

Well, I’ve thought about this and I’ve discovered a solution. 🙂 You knew I had one didn’t you? What about volunteering? That’s right. I came across a wonderful organization that encourages teens to volunteer and I’m very impressed by it.

In fact, I’m working with them on a project and I’m very excited about it! But, there will be a whole blog post about that as soon as we get all the details ironed out. 🙂  So stay tuned for that. 🙂 The organization is called VOLUNTEENATION and here’s the link to their website. Check it out! http://www.volunteennation.org/.  This is a national organization which means they have volunteer opportunities all throughout the United States.

I’m sure you all have heard one of the best ways to combat depression is by helping others…I believe this applies to teenagers as well and that’s what volunteering is all about.

What I love about this organization is that teens are working with other teens in a positive situation. They aren’t at home closed off in their rooms brooding about their problems. Volunteering takes their focus off of their problems and gets them moving in a positive direction.  In my opinion, this might lead to more fulfilling friendships because teens are working together toward a common goal.

Another positive effect this type of organization has is that there are certainly instances where teens can utilize/learn leadership skills as well as team building skills. 🙂 Skills that are necessary for the working environment. 🙂

Maybe if we got our kids involved in volunteering we’d have fewer disasters like Columbine and Newtown. Something to think about my friends. 🙂

Check out Volunteenation’s blog. Here’s a post about how teens can support the Newtown victims. http://www.volunteennation.org/blog/categories/latest-news/203-how-youth-Lican-support-newtown

I can’t say enough about this organization; it’s getting teens headed in the right direction. 🙂

Thanks for reading my post today! I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! 🙂

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I HOPE 2013 IS YOUR BEST YEAR YET!

I’ve got Psychologist Gary Cole here and he’s talking about Dealing with Teen Addiction

Hello everyone! I hope all is well with you! I’ve got Psychologist Gary Cole here today and he’s talking about Teen Addiction. He’s a Clinical Supervisor of Community Based Services and he deals with adults who started out as teens with issues. He’s here to provide some insight for parents so their teens don’t grow into adulthood with the problems that he sees in his work everyday.

So, without further ado…here’s Gary!

How does a parent know the difference between normal teen angst and the actual warning signs of a problem?

1. I would say there are two areas to focus on. 1. If you see a significant deviation on their past behavior and mood. Everyone has “bad days” but this would be more long standing and persistent. If the parent starts to become worried they need to ask questions or offer the help of someone who the teenager would feel more comfortable with. Many teens will not talk to their parents about these issues. 2. The circle of friends and interests seems to change significantly.  An example would be that kid who loves to play sports, but this year decides he/she isn’t going to play on the team. The answer isn’t to make them play, but to ask what is going on and what has brought about the decision. As kids become more involved in drugs their interest in these types of activities drops considerably.

What are the actual warning signs and what should a parent do?

1. There isn’t any one sign that if a parent notices this it would indicate drug use. The parent has to be involved in their children’s lives from day one so they know what a change is for this teenager. I would say there are things to watch for and when seen, it should prompt the parent to have discussions with this teenager. The parent will need to remain persistent because it is likely the teen will not just jump into the conversation willingly. It helps if the parent has had a history since the teen was young about talking openly with them and asking their input. If the parent is noticing the “signs” too late and there is extensive drug use going on, talk with a professional and do not be afraid to set limits with the teen. What I notice is that the parent is often either not paying any attention to obvious things or they are uncomfortable asking these questions, so they just avoid it until the problem becomes worse.

Some of the signs might be:

1.      -Lying about where they have been. Check up on them, and pay attention to their normal habits. The more you know about your child, the better equipped you will be to know when something is going wrong.
2.      – Type of friends change. They may keep the friends somewhat hidden from you. So when they come to the house to pick up your teen, make ALL of them come in the house so you can see who they are and if they are under the influence of something. Do not lie to yourself, if the friends look like trouble, they probably are.
3.      – Using their temper to control you or others in the house. This does not mean trying to get their way, I mean when they have people in the house  and you are uncomfortable with asking questions etc…because you are afraid to “set them off.”
4.    – Criminal behavior. Pay attention to what is coming in and leaving the house or their car. If they all of a sudden have a nice new gaming system and they do not have a job, something is wrong. When they tell you their friend gave it to them because the friend has a new one, make phone calls and find out what is really going on.    – LISTEN to your kids. Even when they are young. If you see a change in their attitudes and beliefs through things they say, you should be concerned. The teenager will always show you prosocial behavior and say prosocial things when you are talking with them directly but listen to what is being said when they do not know you are listening. Then do not be afraid to ask about things or restrict their access to certain people that seem to be leading them in a wrong direction.– Pay attention to what you are role modeling to your children. It is never too late to “stop doing the wrong things.” Live a controlled life in which you are not using drugs or overindulging in alcohol use. Get up in the morning and have a schedule. Provide fair and consistent discipline, this includes for a teenager.3.     When should a parent seek outside professional help for a problem teen?
      As soon as the problem becomes apparent. Most parents feel like they can handle it and they can, but there are probably things going on that the parent needs help with. So the professional help is not only for the teen, but also for the parent. Do not wait until it becomes an addiction and the struggle becomes much harder. Once an addiction is apparent, the parent needs help also.

4.     When is it too late?

It is never too late, but life will never be the same either. What usually happens is, at this stage, the parent needs help for themselves. Usually this is to look at how they respond to the behavior they see from the teenager, how to hold them accountable and how to cope with the feelings they are struggling with. Usually accountability is the key. An addict usually only changes when the pain of using outweighs the benefits of using. Where people often have trouble is holding that person accountable and allowing the pain of using to happen.

5.     Is there a point when rehabilitation is impossible?

No, never. People overcome addiction every day. It takes a lot of work and dedication on their part. It may require medical help. There are systems in place to help people with physical addiction and counseling to work through the emotional issues that are at work. Part of the problem with working with teenagers, is often they have not had a lot of negative experiences due to their use yet. Also, their brains are still developing so even without the drugs or alcohol use they are impulsive in their decisions. Unfortunately, jail could be a good thing for a teenager. This might be the first negative experience they had because of their use.

6.     Is there anything that an outsider can do if a parent is unwilling to address the problem? When I say outsider I’m talking about someone like a teacher, or someone from the extended family.
Yes, but it is likely not enough. Providing the teen with someone who will listen without judgment is helpful. Being supportive and offering to help them with anything that is positive would be another thing that could help. Do not get caught up in providing a place to sleep etc…unless their use is because of things going on in the home that you feel are unhealthy for the teen. Do not be afraid to include the system if something harmful to the teen is occurring in their home. Everyone feels uncomfortable with making such a call, but it is the right thing to do.

7.     What steps should a parent take to bring the problem behavior under control? Whether it’s a drug problem or criminal behavior.

Accountability is the one thing that helps motivate people to make changes. It is harder in the beginning as all of the past behaviors that have worked are now being challenged. It is important that the parent do this in a caring manner though, as this is when the teen usually lashes out and try’s other tactics to get the parent to return to their old behaviors also. If the behavior is severe enough, a professional should be brought in to help both the parent and the teen.

8.     Are there any types of organizations that can help straighten out these issues and if there are what are the names?

There are many. Each city and town have their own resources. The best thing to do is call 211 and get a list of the agencies in your area. If the first agency or counselor does not seem to “fit” for you, keep looking around. The more information you gather, you will be surprised at the options out there for help.

9.     Who are the teens most likely to run into problems? Are there any common denominators that make a teen more susceptible to choosing negative behaviors?

Addiction and criminal behavior can be found in all homes, races and socio economic classes. But, having a home that is safe, secure and stable helps considerably. Many of the clients I have worked with, there is significant dysfunction occurring in the home. Often addiction is present in the teen’s life before they ever picked up or experimented. Teens who have dealt with issues of abandonment or lack of proper supervision as a child often struggle later in life.  It should be noted that being raised in a broken home, having a parent with addiction etc.. do not mean that child will become a teen and have the same struggles.  There are certain movements within communities which affect the culture of drug use. In Grand Rapids and the surrounding communities there seems to be a rise in the use of heroine and the use of pain killers (pills). As this becomes more prevalent, there is just more opportunity for teens to have access to this. Parents should be aware of what is happening in their specific area.

10.   Of the teens who are having problems which ones are the ones who have the best chance of being rehabilitated and which ones are likely to be repeat offenders?

I have no statistics on this, but the sooner the behavior and addiction is dealt with the better. Unfortunately America seems to put a lot of money into corrections when it is extremely difficult to change the behavior. More money should be going into the child welfare system as well as early childhood intervention. I would say, the clients that seem to have a sense that their behavior has become unhealthy and unmanageable are a step ahead and will often do the work toward becoming healthy. If they remain in denial, and do not think their use has become as problematic often struggle more toward really getting healthy. Also, if the same unhealthy dynamics are occurring in the home and do not change, it is difficult for a client to make changes without leaving.

Thanks Gary for being here today. I appreciate your time and your insightful information. And thanks to all of you who stopped by to read this interview! Leave some comments on your thoughts! I’d love to read them!

J.F. Jenkins talks about Teen Relationships in Literature

I’ve got J.F. Jenkins here today and she’s going to talk about Teen Relationships in Young Adult Literature. Take it away J.F.!

I’m going to get a little personal today. I hope you don’t mind. You don’t, right? Because today I’m going to talk about the relationships of young people in my writing.

It all started last week. I was eating dinner with my family and we were reminiscing about our respective high school adventures. Somehow, the topic of a particular ex-boyfriend came up. I guess you could say this relationship had been a very defining one in terms of my self-esteem because he had been rather verbally aggressive towards me, as well as controlling. Through it I learned just how strong I am, and what I’m willing to put up with in how other people treat me.

All that aside, when we were talking about said past experiences, my Mom looked at me and gasped.

“You put that one guy in your book!”

I just looked right back at her and laughed. “Because what happened between us is too hilarious and stupid to pass up.”

It was a story that needed to be told. And when it comes to teenage relationships, a lot of different angles need to be presented. Too many teen novels depict one extreme or the other. It’s either: let’s get married and live happily ever after dancing under a rainbow and have a million babies right after we graduate! Or he/she (usually he since they’re a book about girls for girls) is a complete and total jerk who has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

To me, neither of those extremes is total reality. Not like I’m going to say they don’t happen, because they do happen, but painting only these extremes is starting to create a lot of frustrating standards in the dating world. Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, why add that pressure of finding your soul mate in high school too?

It took me six boyfriends to find my soul mate. Two of which were short middle school “let’s hold hands in the hallway and sit together at lunch” kind of things. The third lasted for eight months, but we didn’t do much beyond go to a movie and hang out. When the guy cheated on me and bragged about it, I kicked him to the curb fast which earned me the praise of my sister and her friends. That was an interesting story (it’ll probably make it to a book eventually too because it was just hilarious). Then there was the aforementioned abusive ex-boyfriend who did a lot of rather amusing things in retrospect. HE made it into a book, and I laugh at that new Taylor Swift song (we are never ever ever getting back together) because it pretty much tells the story of that relationship. Then there was my obligatory rebound boyfriend. Got over that fast. And then there was my husband.

No, I suppose I’m not one to talk since I did get married young, but as I told my parents back in the day: when you date enough losers, you figure out pretty quick what’s worth keeping around. But here’s the thing, when you look back at said losers you realize they’re not as horrible as you once thought. Yes, even the abusive one. No, I’m not condoning his behavior in the slightest. It was scary and more or less crazy. However, there was a reason I thought I loved him at the time. To this day, I have never met a guy who’s ever been so interested in hearing what I have to say. We would talk for hours on end. All he ever wanted to do was talk.

Through this I realized that when writing my relationships in my books, I need to keep in mind that every relationship has its good points. If there weren’t any, there wouldn’t be any reason for being together right? I also learned that every relationship has its flaws. Even with my husband, there are tons of them. In fact, there might be more flaws in this one than there were in my relationship with the abusive ex. Gasp! But they’re different kinds of flaws. The way we fight is different, for example, and so is the way we love. My husband might not listen to me talk about all my stupid obsessions, and he might not be overly sweet, and he has his moments where I want to punch him in the nose. At the same time, he completes me in a whole new way.

And these are things that are lacking in teenage media these days. Because it’s only one way or the other. You either have your perfect shiny relationship, or you have a relationship that’s horrid. The drama and angst that keeps the perfect couple from having happily ever after is always something from an outside source. Where is the perfect couple who works through their flaws together? That grows together? The relationship where the flaws never necessarily go away or are cured, but you learn to work around said flaws? Because you can’t make a person change. That’s something they have to want to do, and if they don’t change you have to decide what’s worth putting up with and what isn’t.

Where are these relationships in fiction? I don’t see them much in adult fiction either. I suppose because nobody wants to read a story about a couple who isn’t perfect or who can’t overcome their flaws. At the same time, it does impact our society. We are slowly being taught to give up as soon as things don’t go our way: in everything!

Someday I hope this changes. By putting more reality into my books, maybe someone will learn something from it and be touched. Which is why I have to give Miss Swift some credit. As much as I harp on her for writing about her life so bluntly, I do appreciate the reality of it.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us J.F.  Below are a couple of J.F. Jenkins Books. You can check them out on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Astraea Press.

Barnes and Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/vala-j-f-jenkins/1111910922?ean=2940013301627

Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Vala-Agendas-ebook/dp/B005WNXJRG

Barnes and Noble:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/vala-j-f-jenkins/1111910920?ean=2940014451925

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Vala-Heritage-ebook/dp/B0083E4UNI

Teen Depression: What it looks like and What You Can Do

Hello Everyone! I hope all is well with you!

I’m back on track today discussing issues that affect young adults. Today I wanted to touch on a topic that affects many people, but it’s especially tricky to spot in teenagers. That issue is depression.

According to Familyfirstaid.org, suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death among young adults between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four. I don’t know about you, but I found this statistic staggering!

The most common cause of suicide is depression. That being said, I’m deducing that since suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death among teenagers that many teens are depressed, but only 1 in 5 teenagers receive help for this ailment. So, my theory is that if we start treating the depression in our young people the suicide rate will drop.

According to Helpguide.org, occasional bad moods and acting out is normal for teens as they go through puberty and try to find their place in the world. This behavior can look like depression, but it’s not. Depression is different. It causes an overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, or anger.

So how can you tell if your teen is going through the regular teenage angst that all teens go through or if what he/she is experiencing is depression? This is a very good question.

Again, according to Helpguide.org, the answer is the length of time the symptoms have been present and the severity of the symptoms. Long lasting changes in mood, personality, and behavior are all red flags to a deeper problem.

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of depression. You can find them all at Helpguide.org.

• Sadness or Hopelessness
• Irritability, anger, or hostility
• Tearfulness or Frequent crying
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Restlessness and agitation
• Loss of Interest in Activities
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Lack of Enthusiasm or motivation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Thoughts of death or suicide

What can you do if you suspect your teen is depressed?

• Offer support- Let your teenager know you’re there for them.
• Be gentle but persistent- Don’t give up if your teen shuts you out at first.
• Listen without lecturing- Resist any urge to criticize or judge once your teen decides to talk
• Validate Feelings- Acknowledge the pain and sadness they are feeling

Getting treatment for Teen Depression

Take your child to your family physician and get a complete physical. Make sure you explain your teenager’s symptoms of depression.

Seek out a Depression Specialist

If your family physician does not find any health issues causing your teen’s depression then speak with a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in adolescence, and then listen to the advice of your counselor.

Teen depression is a serious situation, but there is help out there. You can visit Helpguide.org for more information, and I want to thank them for the valuable information used in this post.

If you have any insight into this issue please leave a comment. It may help someone who is suffering from depression. Thanks so much for stopping by today.