How to Quiet That Inner Critic

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back after a week of work, writing, and reading. I’ve also been running. It helps me manage my weight and my stress. During the winter months, I found a gym with an indoor track that allowed me to run inside, so I was able to maintain my running schedule. But enough about me, today I’d like to talk about dealing with our inner critic.

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We’ve all got one, that nagging voice inside our heads that whispers, “You’re not good enough.” Sometimes we can beat that voice into a bloody pulp, but other times that voice cripples us. Where did this voice come from? I have a theory. It’s the voice of your most negative parent.

I find this voice doesn’t always whisper. I can feel it ramping up my anxiety when I’m writing. It takes a lot of energy to still this voice in my head, but I’ve learned some techniques that help me, and I thought I’d share them with the rest of the creatives out there who’re trying to get your work out into the world.

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The first thing I do when I feel that old anxiety creeping through my body tensing my muscles and stealing my good mood is, I remind myself that I’m trying to break into a tough business. Writing and publishing is tough right now. It’s not a walk in the park. I’m trying to do something that’s extremely hard.

Then I make sure and manage my stress. I go for a walk, run, or hike. Physical activity is a great way to get those endorphins flowing, and those endorphins drown out that nagging voice in my head. I bet it will work for you, too.

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Another way I quiet that voice is I get together with other creatives. We all need the support of our creative family.  People who believe in us and cheer us on. When that inner critic gets too loud, I hang out with my fellow creatives, and it does wonders for my motivation and drive.

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Another way I quiet that voice is I take a break. Sometimes we’ve been working so hard on a project that we become over correctors, and you can’t tell if what you’ve written is gold or dribble. That’s when I take a break and put the story out of my head. Sometimes we just need to get away from it for a little while.

Sometimes I read when I take a break or watch a movie. Something that takes my mind off the story and allows me to relax. Other times, I’ll hike through the woods or walk along the beach. Whatever I feel I need at the time.

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So, there you have it. Some ways I squash that inner critic. How about you? How do you quiet that negative Nancy raging through your head? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Stress Relief in A Chaotic World

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a busy week of working, writing, and kids. I’m making progress on the changes I wanted to make in my story, and I’m excited about that.

But enough about that, today I’d like to talk about relieving the stress of every day life. I’ve written about it before, but it bares repeating because we humans need to be reminded. Life can be too much sometimes with all these train derailments and mass shootings. These events whether or not they’re close or far away, cause stress. So, stress relief and self-care are more important than ever.

So, here’s a short list of my go-to stress relievers. I hope they help you, like they’ve helped me.

1. Hiking. I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m in the woods the stress just melts away. I love hiking. The Japanese call this Forest-bathing, and there is scientific proof that the trees in the forest release phytoncides which boosts our immune system. So not only is hiking through the woods good for you mentally, it’s good for you physically, too.

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• Reading. Reading fiction is also an excellent way to reduce stress. Did you know if you read for only fifteen minutes a day, it’ll reduce your stress level by 68%? I love that. I love the idea that I can escape my problems for a little while, and when I focus on them again. They’re not quite as big.

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• Exercise.  Another great way to relieve stress other than hiking is doing some form of exercise. I run and let me tell you the Runner’s high is real. I feel so good after a run and the stress I’m dealing with at the moment melts away.

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• Yoga. Yoga is another way to destress. It calms the mind while increasing your flexibility and stability. I love yoga, when I’m done, I’m totally relaxed, but more aware. It’s an awesome feeling.

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• Going to the Beach. Did you know, just being by the water releases stress? I know I always feel better after a walk along the beach. I love watching the sun set over the water. I recommend walking barefoot. This is called Grounding, and there is evidence to support that grounding is good for your health. It has been found to reduce inflammation, pain, and stress. It also improves blood flow, energy, and sleep. You can ground anywhere, too. It doesn’t have to be at the beach. Just kick off your shoes and go!

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So, there you have it, five ways to destress in this stressful world we live in. How do you relieve your stress? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Raising Empathetic Kids

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back after a busy week at work. I’ve been working on my story, too, but it’s not going as fast as I hoped it would. Life keeps getting in the way. LOL.

But enough about that. Today I’d like to talk about empathy. Did you know that kids today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago? That is a scary statistic. On the positive side though, empathy can be taught.

Good parenting is more important than ever now. Our world has changed dramatically with the surge in technological advances. With our ability to create our image on social media regardless if it is true or not, and the way our politicians spin their stories to look the best to voters is an indication these changes aren’t always positive.

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So, what can parents do to make sure they’re raising empathetic kids? The first step is to make sure parents provide a positive environment where kids feel secure. This creates an environment where they feel safe and is the foundation for a positive learning environment. So, let’s talk about empathy.

 There are two types of empathy. The first is affective empathy. This is something we’re born with, and whether we develop it further depends on our experiences and environment. So how do we flex our children’s empathic muscle?

 We must help kids develop self-regulating tools. Tools that help them regulate their own negative emotions. Once they know how to handle their own emotions, they’ll be able to identify those types of emotions in others. Studies have shown kids who know how to regulate their own negative emotions show greater empathetic concern for others.

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This means we acknowledge negative emotions rather than dismissing them.  Become an emotion coach. Help your child understand their emotions by labeling and defining them, then give them ways to deal with them.

Another tip is for parents to understand how guilt and shame play a role in empathy. For example,  if a child feels guilty because he made a bad choice, and it resulted in a negative outcome for another,  he’ll more than likely feel empathy toward the other child. However, if a parent tries to shame that child into feeling empathy, he won’t. He’ll resist what his parents are attempting to teach him because he doesn’t like feeling ashamed and instead of being receptive, he’ll be defensive.

Another aspect of empathy is cognitive empathy. This is where your child looks at a situation from another person’s perspective. One good way to do this is to read a story and discuss the events from the perspective of different characters. Did you know that children who read are more empathetic? Studies have shown that children who read have brains that become sensitized to the fictional characters, and this spills over into the real world by teaching kids to see things from another perspective.

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So, there you have it a few tips to help teach empathy to our kids. Let’s turn that statistic around. How about you? Do you have some tried and true tips to teaching empathy? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Other articles on empathy:

https://parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips/

https://parentingscience.com/emotion-coaching/

Stress Relief for the Holidays

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve had a busy week of working, shopping, and sneaking in a little bit of writing. It’s busier during the holidays for me, so I haven’t been able to write as much as I like to.  

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But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about dealing with stress during the holidays. It gets busier during the Christmas season and the first thing to go is our self-care routine.

Part of my self-care routine is exercising. I run, but since I’ve developed runner’s hip, I’ve taken up the elliptical machine to give my hip a rest. But I digress, any type of exercise this time of year is an excellent stress reliever. It gets those endorphins pumping.

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Another way to relieve stress is to take a few minutes and read a book. Reading for just fifteen minutes has been proven to reduce your stress level by sixty-eight percent. I love reading especially in the winter in front of the fire. It’s a great way to shut the world off and relax.

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Hiking is another way to relieve stress. Just getting out into nature and breathing the fresh air clears the cobwebs, and it’s healthy for you too. Hiking in the woods is great because you’re moving and releasing those endorphins, but also because you’re in nature and the trees release phytoncides that we breathe in. These organic compounds boost our immune system. It just goes to show you we’re all connected with the earth, so we should be taking care of it, but that’s another blog post for another time.

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Some people take up knitting or crocheting to relieve stress. I haven’t done this, but I’ve heard it’s an excellent way to relax. I’ve taken up painting, but since I’ve been writing, I haven’t had time to paint like I want to. I need to practice and strengthen my skills there. I’ll never be an artist, but it’s fun to take a break and paint.

Another excellent way to relieve stress is yoga. How could I forget yoga? It’s a great way to stretch those muscles and relieve the stress of sitting at a desk all day. I’ve always found yoga has relaxed me, and made me more aware at the same time.

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So there, you have it. Some stress relieving activities for the holidays. What are some of the ways you relieve stress? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

The Need for Distractions

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve had a busy week of work, writing, and kids. The kids are back in school. It’s the end of summer and that makes me sad. I wasn’t ready for it to end and I’m hoping we can eek out a few more hot days before winter hits and I go into hibernation mode.

But enough about that. Today I’d like to talk about the importance of distractions. I know, right? Distractions, how can they be important, but they are. Let me explain.

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We as humans need to make sense about what is happening to us. We need to find a rational reason behind an experience. We want to find the lesson. What is this experience teaching me? So, we mull it over, trying to find the why. Right? I know we’ve all been there. But sometimes the answer eludes us.

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The why will never be found. Either it’s because the person who we need to find the answer from isn’t available or refuses to communicate with us. That happens. That flash of understanding, that epiphany never happens.

This is the time we need to pull out our bag of distractions. To get our mind out of the groove of trying to find the answer. Otherwise, you can sink into a depression. I’ve seen this happen with myself as well as some of my friends.

So, what are good ways to avoid sinking into the pit of overthinking?

I like to escape reality and read a book. There’s nothing like sinking into a good story to forget about life for a while. When I start overthinking about a problem, and I recognize I’m doing that, I pull out a good book and forget about life for a while. It works wonders. This takes away the power of what I’m overthinking about, and when I’m done reading, the issue I’ve been thinking about is much smaller and more manageable.

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Another way I distract myself when I start overthinking, is to exercise. I go for a run and that seems to jolt me out of the overthinking groove, and again when I’m done the issue doesn’t seem so big.

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I also distract myself by writing. Working on my story, is the best way to get my mind out of that familiar groove of trying to understand the problem. and solve it. Some problems just can’t be solved no matter how hard we try.

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So, there you have it. Distractions are important in our lives. They serve a purpose. How do you get your mind out of the groove of finding the why in a situation? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

What I’ve been Reading

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve had a busy week of work and writing. My pinched nerve is slowly but surely getting better. But enough about that. Today, I want to share what I’ve been reading because I’ve been reading more because of my injury to my neck.

The last book I read was Laine Moriarty’s “Apple’s Never Fall.”

The blurb and cover are below.

From Liane Moriarty, the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Little Lies and Nine Perfect Strangers, comes Apples Never Fall, a novel that looks at marriage, siblings, and how the people we love the most can hurt us the deepest.

The Delaney family love one another dearly—it’s just that sometimes they want to murder each other . . .

If your mother was missing, would you tell the police? Even if the most obvious suspect was your father?

This is the dilemma facing the four grown Delaney siblings.

The Delaneys are fixtures in their community. The parents, Stan and Joy, are the envy of all of their friends. They’re killers on the tennis court, and off it their chemistry is palpable. But after fifty years of marriage, they’ve finally sold their famed tennis academy and are ready to start what should be the golden years of their lives. So why are Stan and Joy so miserable?

The four Delaney children—Amy, Logan, Troy, and Brooke—were tennis stars in their own right, yet as their father will tell you, none of them had what it took to go all the way. But that’s okay, now that they’re all successful grown-ups and there is the wonderful possibility of grandchildren on the horizon.

One night a stranger named Savannah knocks on Stan and Joy’s door, bleeding after a fight with her boyfriend. The Delaneys are more than happy to give her the small kindness she sorely needs. If only that was all she wanted.

Later, when Joy goes missing, and Savannah is nowhere to be found, the police question the one person who remains: Stan. But for someone who claims to be innocent, he, like many spouses, seems to have a lot to hide. Two of the Delaney children think their father is innocent, two are not so sure—but as the two sides square off against each other in perhaps their biggest match ever, all of the Delaneys will start to reexamine their shared family history in a very new light.

My Thoughts:

This was a great story about a family, and the sacrifices and the mistakes parents make with their children. It wove a tale of a family-owned tennis school run by the Delaneys. They are now in their twilight years and have sold the school. They’re struggling with the transition into retirement and dealing with their kids. Then one evening a young girl named Savannah knocks on the door and turns their world upside down.

When Joy disappears and Savannah is nowhere to be found all eyes turn to Stan. This is a great story that weaves a tale of supposition and coincidences that make Stan look guilty. I’ll let you read the story to find out what happens, but in true Laine Moriarty form this is a page turner that has you guessing until the very end.

What do you do when the Burnout Bug Bites?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. We were lucky yesterday and had a sixty-degree day where I was able to get out and go for a walk. My pinched nerve is still bothering me, so I was only able to go a couple of miles. Even so, it was nice to get some fresh air.

But enough about that, today I thought I’d talk about burnout. Burnout for writers or anyone really happens when you don’t pace yourself. Like a runner who sprints to early in the race, you can run out of gas. The joy you used to feel while creating your work just isn’t there, and the ideas are stagnant.

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You’ve hit the wall and the only thing you can do is stop and take a break. When this happens, I have a few go-to activities that help ease the stress of burnout, because not producing something can be just as stressful as producing something, right?

I go for a run and get those endorphins going. Nothing beats a run for handling the stress of burnout.

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I go for a hike. A hike through the woods is good for you mentally and physically. Forest bathing is really a thing and there’s nothing like a walk through the woods to calm the static in your head. FYI walking along the beach is just as good for you.

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Reading is another way to beat burnout. Just reading for fifteen minutes reduces stress by sixty percent, and you get the added bonus of opening up your mind to new ideas. Most authors are voracious readers. It’s one way to improve your craft and beat stress all at the same time.

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Get together with your creative community. I get together with mine and they’re so good at building up my confidence. We go hiking or paint. Sometimes we just go out for a bite to eat.

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Shopping. Sometimes a little retail therapy is all you need to get those creative juices flowing again.

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So, there you have it. Five things you can do when the burnout bug hits. How about you? What are some of the activities you do when you get bitten by the bug?

Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Self Care: It’s a Choice

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. Because of the pinched nerve in my neck, I’ve been doing more editing and reading this week while I wait for my neck to heal. It’s getting much better thanks to my chiropractor, but I believe my treadmill days are over. There will no longer be treadmill season at the Orchard’s.

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I’m not upset about that. I’ve always disliked running on a treadmill. But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about self-care. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I feel it’s important. Sometimes we get stretched too thin, and we need to take a moment and regroup.

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There’s nothing wrong with that. We can’t be going full tilt all the time. I can always tell when I hit the wall. I get tired and cranky, and I don’t enjoy the things I usually enjoy.

Here are my go-to self-care activities.

1. Reading. I grab a good book and curl up on the couch. I do this during the winter more because it’s too cold to go outside. Did you know reading for just fifteen minutes reduces your stress level by 60%?

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• Exercise. Exercise is a great stress reliever, and it gets those endorphins going. Even a walk is good for you. Especially if you’re a writer and you sit at a desk all day.

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• Hiking. Hiking is also good for you. I love hiking in the woods, and if you hike in the woods, you get the added benefit of receiving phytoncides from the trees. In Japan, this is called forest-bathing and it’s a real thing.

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• Painting. I’m learning to paint, and it’s a great way to take a break. I’m still creating something, but it’s just for me, so I don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks about it.

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• Yoga. Yoga is another great way to create calmness within yourself. You stretch your muscles, and you relax while becoming more aware. It’s a great feeling.

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So, there you have it. Five things I do when I’m in need of some self-care. I know there are more. What do you do for self-care?  Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

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What I’ve been Reading

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you.  I’m back today after a week of work and writing. I’ve finished editing my second story, so now I have two WIPs under my belt. I still need to make revisions, but I’m taking a step back and noodling what and how I want to make changes. I’ve also started my Christmas shopping, so I don’t anticipate getting a lot of writing done during this time, but I have a new idea that I’m going to start outlining soon. 😊

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But enough about that. After the seriousness of last week’s post, I’ve decided to do a fun post for this week. So, I’d like to share what I’ve been reading. I’ve got two thrillers I’ve finished, and I thought I’d share them with you in case you have some time over the holidays to relax and dive into a book. So, without further ado, here they are:

“We were Never Here”

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • REESE’S BOOK CLUB PICK • “This book is every suspense lover’s dream and it kept me up way too late turning pages. . . . A novel with crazy twists and turns that will have you ditching your Friday night plans for more chapters.”—Reese Witherspoon

A backpacking trip has deadly consequences in this “eerie psychological thriller . . . with alluring locales, Hitchcockian tension, and possibly the best pair of female leads since Thelma and Louise” (BookPage), from the bestselling author of The Lost Night and The Herd.

A Marie Claire Book Club Pick • Named One of the Best Books of the Year by NPR and Marie Claire

Emily is having the time of her life—she’s in the mountains of Chile with her best friend, Kristen, on their annual reunion trip, and the women are feeling closer than ever. But on the last night of the trip, Emily enters their hotel suite to find blood and broken glass on the floor. Kristen says the cute backpacker she brought back to their room attacked her, and she had no choice but to kill him in self-defense. Even more shocking: The scene is horrifyingly similar to last year’s trip, when another backpacker wound up dead. Emily can’t believe it’s happened again—can lightning really strike twice?

Back home in Wisconsin, Emily struggles to bury her trauma, diving headfirst into a new relationship and throwing herself into work. But when Kristen shows up for a surprise visit, Emily is forced to confront their violent past. The more Kristen tries to keep Emily close, the more Emily questions her motives. As Emily feels the walls closing in on their cover-ups, she must reckon with the truth about her closest friend. Can Emily outrun the secrets she shares with Kristen, or will they destroy her relationship, her freedom—even her life?

My Thoughts:

This is a great story about toxic friendship with an incredible twist at the end. The characters are likable in the beginning and the author brilliantly weaves the threads of insanity, so the reader has an “aha” moment. The suspense builds and it was hard to put the book down. This story does not disappoint.

“The Wife Upstairs”

Instant New York Times and USA Today Bestseller

“Compulsively readable…a gothic thriller laced with arsenic.” ––EW

One of the Most Anticipated Books of 2021: CNN• Newsweek • Vulture • PopSugar • Parade • BuzzFeed • E!Online • TimeOut • Woman’s Day • Goodreads • She Reads • Good Housekeeping • CrimeReads • Frolic • Hello! • Mystery and Suspense

January 2021 Indie Next Pick and #1 LibraryReads Pick

A delicious twist on a Gothic classic, The Wife Upstairs pairs Southern charm with atmospheric domestic suspense, perfect for fans of B.A. Paris and Megan Miranda.

Meet Jane. Newly arrived to Birmingham, Alabama, Jane is a broke dog-walker in Thornfield Estates––a gated community full of McMansions, shiny SUVs, and bored housewives. The kind of place where no one will notice if Jane lifts the discarded tchotchkes and jewelry off the side tables of her well-heeled clients. Where no one will think to ask if Jane is her real name.

But her luck changes when she meets Eddie Rochester. Recently widowed, Eddie is Thornfield Estates’ most mysterious resident. His wife, Bea, drowned in a boating accident with her best friend, their bodies lost to the deep. Jane can’t help but see an opportunity in Eddie––not only is he rich, brooding, and handsome, he could also offer her the kind of protection she’s always yearned for.

Yet as Jane and Eddie fall for each other, Jane is increasingly haunted by the legend of Bea, an ambitious beauty with a rags-to-riches origin story, who launched a wildly successful southern lifestyle brand. How can she, plain Jane, ever measure up? And can she win Eddie’s heart before her past––or his––catches up to her?

With delicious suspense, incisive wit, and a fresh, feminist sensibility, The Wife Upstairs flips the script on a timeless tale of forbidden romance, ill-advised attraction, and a wife who just won’t stay buried. In this vivid reimagining of one of literature’s most twisted love triangles, which Mrs. Rochester will get her happy ending?

My Thoughts:

This story was recommended to me by a friend, and it did not disappoint. It’s another thriller with a great twist at the end. Excellent character building that keeps you turning the page to find out the truth of what really happened. Another great read on a snowy night.  

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post! How about you, are you reading any great books this snowy, holiday season? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Technology’s Effect on Our Health

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a busy week with work and writing. I’m editing my second work in progress, and I’m happy with the results so far. This story is flowing smoothly and I’m enjoying it.

But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about technology’s effect on our health, both mental and physical. When I think back to my own childhood, I remember being extremely active. I rode my bike everywhere. I remember going to my friend’s house and swimming in her pool. We’d play games like Yahtzee and Monopoly, or we’d go for long bike rides. When I look back, I realize how wonderful my childhood was. My friends and I had a connection.

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Then I look at my kids, and I’m frustrated. They’re glued to their computers. If they’re not playing games, they’re chatting with friends online. The face-to-face interaction isn’t there. I know they get that at school, but I feel something is lost for our kids. They’re missing out on that special connection that I treasured in my younger years.

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I also feel that we’re losing some of our vocabulary. I mean when you can communicate with an emoji, what do you need words for? Is our technology dumbing down society?

I think so. Instead of reading books, kids are looking at their phones. Social Media’s goal is to keep everyone engaged. So, they have complicated logarithms that keep track of the things you like so they can show you more. This keeps you engaged longer. I suppose you could argue that they’re reading, but they’re reading posts, and as we all know, posts on social media are usually a way for the individual writing it to receive acknowledgement from their followers.

Right now, kids need to read stories that teach them empathy and compassion. They need stories they can connect with and relate to. The teen years are the hardest years in my opinion because there are so many firsts. First loves, first rejections, first successes, and first failures.

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Suicide is the second leading cause of death for kids between the ages of ten and twenty-four. I’ve always felt that the reason for that is disconnection. They feel disconnected from family, friends, and community.

We need to make the family bonds stronger and protect our children. We need to bring story-telling back. It has always been a way to connect with our family members. We need to sit around the campfire and tell stories of our youth, so our children can bond with us.

Stories are more important than ever now. I know when I was a teen, I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. It was a self-inflicted kind of pressure. I was afraid to make the wrong decision. I couldn’t articulate this pressure to my parents, so I wasn’t able to talk to them about it. I felt so alone.

To escape this pressure, I’d read. When I was finished reading, I’d feel better. The pressure wasn’t so bad, and I was calmer, so I could look at my issues more objectively.

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In my opinion instead of more technology, our kids need more physical exercise, and they need to spend more time reading stories not social media posts. Not only will reading stories relieve stress, but it’ll teach empathy and compassion. So, writers keep writing. We need your stories now more than ever.

How about you? Do you feel our kids need to feel more connection? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!