Making Connections

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a busy week of work and running. I didn’t get much writing done this week because I’ve increased the frequency of my runs. I love summer and I’m trying to spend as much time as possible outside. I also have a new idea percolating, and once I get it put together in my head, I’ll be starting a new project.

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But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about making connections. Last night I went to a movie with a friend, and it was so nice to see her. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of months, and we needed to catch up.

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It’s important that we have in person get togethers. Especially now, with the invention of social media where we don’t physically meet anymore. We still need to have social skills. Humans are social animals. We need that interaction to feel connected. We need hugs and physical contact.

Technology is amazing. I love that I can google anything. The internet has made researching for my writing so much easier, but it can’t replace physical touch. I worry about the younger generation’s dependence on their devices. I hear scary stories of them hooking up just for sex and that scares me. Where is the emotional connection that we need for love?

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I try to get my kids to socialize in other ways besides social media, and I’ve been successful in getting them to make connections with their friends, but it doesn’t feel the same as when I was younger. The overuse of social media has been linked to depression and anxiety. Experts haven’t proven there’s a link between social media and teen suicide, but along with the rise of social media, there has also been a rise in teen suicide after decades of a decline. This is worrisome. We need to monitor our kids to make sure they’re not becoming dependent on their games or social media, but it’s hard to monitor during the summer months when parents have full time jobs. On the plus side, connecting via the internet is safer in some ways with mass shootings and school shootings on the rise. Plus, with the online connection at least I know where my kids are.  

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So, there are positives and negatives to social media use. What are your thoughts? Are you worried our kids will lose the ability to make emotional connections? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

Where do you find your Inspiration?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a busy week at work and polishing up my manuscript. I also went to an art fund raiser and bought some amazing pieces. It was a fund raiser for Ukraine, and my good friend and artist organized it.

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It was an amazing event. Of course, she is part of my creative community. She’s an inspiration to myself and many others. I have a group of friends that are my creative community and I love them dearly. They are artists, photographers, and writers. They inspire me and help me grow in my craft and I’m grateful to have them in my life. Today, I’m talking about inspiration. Where do you get yours from?

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My kids inspire me. The thought of leaving something behind for them keeps me writing. When they were younger, they loved the Super Spies stories, and it did my heart good to talk about those stories with them.

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There are other things that inspire me, like walking alone in the woods. There’s nothing like a hike to clear your head and allow story ideas to come to the surface.

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Other stories inspire me. When I read a story that touches my soul it inspires me to improve my writing. I try to learn new skills and improve my voice. I try to take on grittier stories that will touch other people.

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I also get inspiration from the past. Sometimes, it’s something I went through that inspires a story and sometimes it’s an historical event. Our past is important. I’ve got a rich past I can pull from as I’m sure every other writer does.

Movies also inspire me. When I see a good movie or a good Netflix series, like “Breaking Bad,” or “Better Call Saul,” or the “Ozarks.” It inspires me to write more interesting characters with strong backstories.

How about you, where do you find your inspiration? Leave a comment, I love to hear from you!

Check on Your Loved Ones

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve been busy with work this week and with my writing. I’ve reached 30,000 words in my latest WIP and I must tell you, I’ve been coming up with some new ideas while I’m writing. I can’t write fast enough. LOL.

It’s a good thing, but it creates a little anxiety because I feel like I’m not writing fast enough. But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about keeping in touch with your single friends during this pandemic. It’s important to check up on them. They depend on their social lives to connect with people and with this isolation they could go days, weeks, or months without seeing someone other than people at the grocery store.

 

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Check up on your elderly relatives and neighbors, too. Especially the ones who are stuck in a nursing home. We can’t go visit them right now, but we can send cards. We can make phone calls. It’s important to reach out to our loved ones. We need the connection right now and so do they.

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Not only do we need to check up on our single friends, elderly neighbors, and relatives, but we need to check up on our kids. That’s right, the ones that live under our roofs with us. I’ve noticed that my youngest has grown a little reclusive because he hasn’t been able to see any of his classmates. We’re starting online schooling today and they’re using google meets to have a virtual classroom. I hope that means they’ll be able to interact with their classmates. Kids are attached to their computers for everything now, school, social contact, and gaming. They are dependent on their machines.

 

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We can’t take them to the trampoline park or to the community pool, they’re closed because of this virus. So, the only thing we can do is forced family fun and that always goes over like a lead balloon.  Especially when it’s mom’s idea. 😉

But we do it because they need to get a break and get away from the house. They need more physical activity, so we go on family walks and hikes through the woods. Forest bathing is good for you, you know!  They do play basketball or football with the neighbor kids when they’re around. I’ve also made it a rule that they have to get outside for an hour a day when the weather cooperates, and they do a pretty good job of following this rule. They still listen to their mom, right now, anyway.

 

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So, check on your friends, relatives, and kids. Make sure the isolation isn’t getting to them and try to get out of the house. It’s so good to get away, even if it’s only for a few days.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post. What are you doing to keep in touch with your loved ones? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Thank You Veterans

 

 

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’d like to take a few minutes today and thank our veterans for their service. I am truly grateful for the freedom you have fought for and protected for us.

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Even though our country has issues, it’s still one of the best places to live. I’m grateful for my freedoms. I appreciate them every day as I watch my kids get on the school bus. I’m thankful for the dedication of their teachers and the guidance they provide when I’m not there.

I’m thankful for my kids. They are sweet, amazing, and smart. I love that they still come to me with their stories and pick on me in the ways only they can. I appreciate that I’m able to laugh and share with them even though they’re growing more independent.

 

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I appreciate my family. My mom who listens when things don’t go my way. I appreciate my friends who have stood by me through thick and thin. I don’t get to see them as often as I like because we lead busy lives, but I appreciate them nonetheless.

 

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I also appreciate the online friends I’ve met along the way.  The writers and bloggers who support me and lift my spirits with their posts and kind words. I wish I could meet many of you in person, but since we can’t, please be aware I appreciate your presence in my life.

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All this being said, none of it would be possible if it weren’t for the veterans who have protected our freedoms through the years. Some of them paying the ultimate price. So, again, thank you veterans for your service. One day of acknowledgement doesn’t seem like enough.

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Stay at Home versus a Working Mom

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. Sorry, I haven’t blogged in a while. Life sure has been busy. 😊  Next week is back to school for my kiddos and I’m just as bummed about it as they are. Summer was way too short this year. At the end of July, we had a great vacation up north. I love that area and it was awesome to get away and relax, and I got a lot of vacation writing done. I love that!

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However, enough about that. Today, I’d like to reflect on the difference between being a stay at home mom and a working mom. Both are hard work and stressful, but I believe being a stay at home mom is harder. Why? There are many reasons.

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I’ve found that since I’ve been back to work, I feel better about myself. Delving deeper, I realize I’m getting many more positive affirmations from my co-workers and my boss than I did when I was a stay at home mom, but it’s not only that. It’s nice to have co-workers to chat with. Being a stay at home mom is isolating and it’s rare to get any acknowledgement of the hard work you do. I loved being home with my kids, but there were times when it would’ve been nice to have another adult to talk to.

Another reason being a stay at home mom is harder is because you’re not bringing home a pay check. There’s the guilt of not helping provide for the family, but I feel I made the right choice even if it was sometimes a struggle. I have a great relationship with my kids, and I wanted them to learn the value of relationships and how they’re more important than money or possessions. I hope I accomplished that. That being said, I do enjoy bringing home a paycheck again. I’d forgotten what that little piece of independence felt like and boy is it sweet.

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Also, I get a break from my job. I get to go home after eight hours and hang with my family. A stay at home mom never gets a vacation. Even when she goes on vacation, she’s usually taking her family with her. She is on twenty-four/seven for at least the first five years of her child’s life.  Once they start school, she gets a little bit of a break and believe me she deserves it.

There are usually no positive affirmations either. No one says thanks Mom for cleaning the kitchen three times a day, or for picking up the toys in the living room three times a day. Stay at home moms tend to forget to take care of themselves. They put their needs last. So, it’s no wonder that sometimes they get a little depressed.

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I remember those years. I was exhausted the entire time, but oh the memories…it was definitely worth it.  So, when I look back would I do it all again, even though there were days of loneliness and major exhaustion? Absolutely.

I miss my kids every day when I’m at work. I want to hear about their day the moment they get home from school, but I also want to send them to college, so they don’t have debts to pay off when they’re done. A compromise must be made, and this is the time to do it. They’re enjoying their independence and pulling away from Mom. This is to be expected, however, I want them to stay my little boys just a little longer.

They still tell me things and when I’m late coming home, they wonder where I’m at and that’s nice, but I miss those baby hugs and the way my oldest used to play with my hair when I fed him his bottle or read him a story. I miss how my youngest was so rambunctious and quick to learn. I remember that moment when he started reading by himself and how we would sit and read an entire book (chapter book) in one sitting, because he wanted to impress me. I remember how proud he was of himself and how proud of him I was.

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I was there for all of it. I’m so excited to see the men they will become. They are such great kids. I know life is going to throw them some curve balls. I hope I’ve taught them to be resilient and strong during those times, and I hope I’ve given them enough good memories so when tough times come, they’ll remember those hardships are temporary and good times will be back once they weather the storm.

In conclusion, staying home is the harder of the two. So, if you are a stay at home mom, it’s important for you to take care of yourself and make sure your spouse understands your needs. He needs to give you some accolades and support when you’re having one of those days. Also, you need to take time away from the kids and get adult time. It’s essential to your mental health, but you probably already know that. 😉

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post, do you agree with me? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

Protecting your Kids from Predators with Friendly Faces

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a long week of kids, work, and laundry. I’m waiting for summer to begin. We’ve had cold temperatures and rain through most of May after a horrendous winter, so I’m ready for some hot weather. How about you?

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But enough about the weather, today I’d like to talk about a scary statistic. According to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, approximately 800,000 children are reported missing each year. That’s 2000 children a day.

 

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This is upsetting. The world is such a dangerous place right now. My hubby used to give me grief for being over-protective, but how can you not be? When pedophiles become troop leaders, teachers, and coaches, how can we be anything but over-protective?

For example, look at what happened at Seton-Keough High school in Baltimore Maryland. The headmaster of the school, Father Maskell, and his group of priests and police officers were abusing the students. Reports were ignored. This abuse has been documented in other Catholic churches as well. The church chose to move these pedophiles from one parish to the next, protecting the abusers. This abuse had been going on for years. We can’t even trust priests. (For more information about the abuse at Seton-Keough high school, check out the Netflix documentary “The Keepers.” It’s very well done.)

 

So, how do you protect your kids? In my research, I’ve found that these pedophiles are smart and manipulative. They prey on kids whose parents are stressed out and can’t be as involved as they’d like to be. The more involved you are with your kids the more likely the pedophile will leave your child alone. They prey on kids who come from one parent homes or there’s alcoholism or drug abuse in the family. They find the needy kids. The ones who need a role model in their lives.

 

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One sign that your child is being groomed by one of these sick individuals is they’re getting special attention from them. The abuser may be buying them gifts or taking them out to dinner. If this is happening, you need to step in and take control of the situation.  This person is being “nice” for a reason, and it’s not a good one.

It’s sad when you can’t even trust a person for being nice to your child, isn’t it? So, the best thing you can do is to be involved with your kids. The better relationship you have with them, the less likely a pedophile will be able to get their claws into them.

The same goes for abusers who kidnap kids to violate and then discard. These people watch and learn your child’s schedule and when they find them in a vulnerable position, they snatch them up. That’s why I’m with my kids at the bus stop. It’s usually dark because they have to be at school so early in the morning, but it’s also not well lit. I wouldn’t let my kids stand out there by themselves, waiting for the bus on such a lonely road.

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Let’s change this horrible statistic by protecting our kids the best way we can. Thanks for reading my post, I kind of picked a frightening subject to write about. Sorry about that. I’ll write something a little lighter next week.

Do you have any ideas on what we can do to change this statistic? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

Ten things you can do to Ease the Pain of your Children’s Growing Independence

 

 

Hello everyone. I hope all is well with you. This has been an incredibly busy week. The kids’ last day of school was Friday. My youngest has graduated fifth grade and he’s on his way to middle school. I’m proud of both my boys. They’re getting good grades, they have awesome friends, and they’re both well adjusted.

They’re just growing up too fast. Sob.

Today I thought I’d talk about what to do when you’re kids start to become independent. When they don’t need your hugs and kisses or your undivided attention like they used to. It can be a little disconcerting at first. You might be like me and try to cling to those sweet, innocent years and refuse to believe they’ve grown up, but they’ll start to squirm under this parental love and even start to fight against it. (Gasp!)

To avoid becoming one of those clingy moms and ease the pain of my boys’ abandonment…I mean their growing independence, I’ve put together a list to help snuff out that agony for us moms.

 

1. First and foremost, I’ve increased my writing time. My writing has improved and I have some amazing stories coming down the pike.

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2. I read. Now that both boys are out of diapers and don’t need as much supervision, I’ve been able to increase my reading time. This has been an awesome stress reliever for me and something I enjoy immensely.

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3. Start binge-watching movies and TV series. There are some awesome shows available now and it’s kind of fun when I need some down time to relax in front of the TV. You can always add drinking wine to this one. Just an FYI. 😉 I do this more in the winter than summer. It’s one of those seasonal things.

 

4. I’ve increased my running time. This has had such a positive effect on me. Any type of exercise is good for you and it’s especially important for writers to exercise because writing is such a sedentary thing to do. I find exercise has helped my attitude and increased my energy. I get more writing done! That’s always a good thing!

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5. I’ve started painting. I get together with my friends and we have a painting party. It’s a great way to relax. You can also add wine to this activity as well. Just sayin’ 😉

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6. Before I had kids, I used to do Yoga. It’s such a tremendous way to increase your flexibility and it’s good for that mind-body connection. I plan on starting this up again.

 

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7. Get together with friends and play cards. Again, before kids, I used to do this about once a month. It was always a great way to get away from the pressures of life and be social. You can also add wine to this activity, too. 😉

 

8. I’ve increased my hiking time. There’s nothing like getting out in nature. It’s so relaxing and good for you, too.

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9. I haven’t done this one yet, but my plan for the summer is to spend more time in the kitchen and find some new meals for my family and I to enjoy. I don’t know about you but sometimes we get stuck in a food rut and we need to expand our meal repertoire.

 

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10. I also plan on working in our yard. My plan is to plant some Hosta plants. They’re such hearty plants and they don’t need a lot of maintenance. Digging in the dirt is always a fun activity.

 

So there you have it ten things you can do to ease the heartache of your kids’ growing independence. It’s a good thing. Good for them and you. 🙂

 

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post. What do you do when your kids don’t need your undivided attention anymore? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

Protecting our Kids from Abuse

 

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a nice Easter holiday. I know I did, and it was just what I needed to get back on track with my writing. I’ve been working on my revisions, and I’m excited about the way my story is coming together. But enough about that. I’m back today to talk about a serious subject.  One I feel strongly about, and that subject is protecting our kids from abuse.

Our children are innocents. They don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with a predator when they come across one and let’s face it, most of them look like you or me. Some of them are doctors or priests. (Don’t get me started on the Catholic Church and the abuse they covered up for years.) They’re adults and they know how to manipulate and control their victims. To a child these people look trustworthy and they are everywhere, online, in schools and in our churches. So how can we protect our kids?

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First of all, let’s look at what type of victim predators look for. It’s the same type of victim whether the predator is a pedophile, a human trafficker, or an abuser. The type of child they look for is someone who doesn’t have a strong support system. A loner. A kid who doesn’t have a lot of friends or a strong family unit. They’re looking for a kid who’s emotionally needy. Someone they can ply with compliments and gifts so the kid becomes dependent on them for their self-esteem, and that’s when the abuse starts.

So how do we make sure we don’t raise victims? By being an involved parent. These predators don’t go after the kid whose parent is present watching baseball practice and cheering their youngster on. They don’t go after the kid whose parent is there picking them up from school every day. They go after the ones who don’t have a strong role model. The ones where the parent maybe is dealing with issues of their own, the death of a spouse, a divorce, or a mental illness.

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So how do we protect the kids whose parents are going through a divorce or a sudden death? That’s when we have to look to our community to help out. If you can’t be at the bus stop to pick up your kid, ask a neighbor to watch them to make sure they make it home, or if you can afford it, hire a babysitter. Someone responsible enough to be there for them.

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If there is strong community support, predators can’t get in and our children are safe. Let’s face it. If our kids aren’t safe then we all lose, wouldn’t you agree?

Also, talk to your kids. Teach them to be suspicious of adults, who aren’t in your family, who buy them gifts and seem to give them a lot of attention. Teach them to be their own advocate. Tell them it’s okay for them to tell an adult, “I’m not comfortable with this. Please stop.” And tell them they can yell it if they need to. They won’t be punished for it. Let’s keep our littles safe.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post. I feel strongly about this and I wanted to share my thoughts with all of you.

What are your thoughts? Do you have any ideas on ways to protect our kids you’d like to share? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

The Dark Side of Social Media

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Hello everyone. I hope all is well with you. I’m back today and I’m talking about the dark side of Social Media. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being able to stay connected to all my friends and colleagues. It’s great to be able to chat with someone I haven’t seen in years. Social Media is an amazing tool.

I’ve used it when I’m researching information for my stories. I contact people who are experts in their fields and pick their brains. That way, I know what I’m adding to my story is accurate. It makes my story more authentic. Please understand, the people I contact, I’ve already established a relationship with them. I just don’t follow them or add them as a friend and then start bombarding them with questions. 🙂

This is an incredible way to get information, and I can see my kids using social media to do research for papers when they get older, but there’s a dark side to the internet as well.

Not everything on social media is as it seems, and we must teach our littles the difference. First of all, social media is the image someone wants to project. People usually post only about the positive things in their lives. This is okay, no one wants to hang with a Negative Nancy, but it’s only half the picture. Everyone experiences happiness and struggles. We need to remind our kids about that so they don’t get caught up in the world where likes and follows become more important than real relationships.

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          It’s sad to say, but it goes even deeper. Teens are using social media to hook up. That means to get together and have sex. They send out a tweet or a post asking if anyone wants to hook up. If someone responds in the affirmative, they make the arrangements. They’re even sending naked photos of themselves via the internet.  Isn’t that scary? In my opinion, social media hinders our ability to connect emotionally as human beings.

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          We need to be cognizant of this trend and turn it around because if we don’t, our kids may never learn to make that emotional connection. We don’t want to lose that because it would mean we’re losing a big part of what makes us human, wouldn’t you agree?

A friend recommended this book to me and I’ve just started it, but it inspired this blog post. I believe it’s important for every parent to read, to understand the climate our kids are trying to navigate today. The cover and blurb are below.

Instagram. Whisper. Yik Yak. YouTube. Kik. Ask.fm. Tinder. The dominant force in the lives of girls coming of age in America today is social media. What it is doing to an entire generation of young women is the subject of award-winning Vanity Fair writer Nancy Jo Sales’s riveting and explosive American Girls.

With extraordinary intimacy and precision, Sales captures what it feels like to be a girl in America today. From Montclair to Manhattan and Los Angeles, from Florida and Arizona to Texas and Kentucky, Sales crisscrossed the country, speaking to more than two hundred girls, ages thirteen to nineteen, and documenting a massive change in the way girls are growing up, a phenomenon that transcends race, geography, and household income. American Girls provides a disturbing portrait of the end of childhood as we know it and of the inexorable and ubiquitous experience of a new kind of adolescence—one dominated by new social and sexual norms, where a girl’s first crushes and experiences of longing and romance occur in an accelerated electronic environment; where issues of identity and self-esteem are magnified and transformed by social platforms that provide instantaneous judgment. What does it mean to be a girl in America in 2016? It means coming of age online in a hypersexualized culture that has normalized extreme behavior, from pornography to the casual exchange of nude photographs; a culture rife with a virulent new strain of sexism and a sometimes self-undermining notion of feminist empowerment; a culture in which teenagers are spending so much time on technology and social media that they are not developing basic communication skills. From beauty gurus to slut-shaming to a disconcerting trend of exhibitionism, Nancy Jo Sales provides a shocking window into the troubling world of today’s teenage girls. 

Provocative and urgent, Ameran Girls is destined to ignite a much-needed conversation about how we can help our daughters and sons negotiate unprecedented new challenges.

Like I said, I just started reading it so I’m sure I’ll have much more to say on the topic at a later date. 🙂 So stay tuned, there’s more to come!

Thanks for stopping by and reading my post! I appreciate it! What do you think? Do you think Social Media has a dark side, or is it all sunshine and unicorns? Please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

 

 

The Hover Board Incident: A Public Service Announcement

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today with another Public Service Announcement. My boys had friends spend the night over the weekend. This has become a weekly event, even when I told them last weekend no one’s spending the night next weekend, we still had kids spending the night. I really don’t mind all that much just every once in a while we (me and my hubby) need a kid break. But I digress.

Anyway, we had a couple of extra kids over the weekend and one of them got a hover board for Christmas. He brought it over and all the boys went down into the basement. (Hubby just finished it and we had carpet installed over the holidays. I don’t recommend this by the way. Your house is torn up when you’re trying to have Christmas. Not fun. We don’t have furniture down there yet, so it’s a huge open space, perfect for hover board shenanigans.)

It looks so innocent and uncomplicated, doesn’t it?

The boys were having a blast, I could tell by how loud they were. My two came running up the stairs to where I sat on the couch, writing my story. “Mom. You’ve got to try the hover board, it’s so much fun.”

Then my youngest piped up. “Dad did it.”

That’s all it took because if Dad can do it, I can do it, too.  So I got up and went down into the basement.

The young man who the hover board belonged to, climbed on and demonstrated how to ride it. It looked so easy. I was positive I could do it.

I should’ve remembered the first time I went rollerblading and broke my arm, but I didn’t.

So, I tried to climb onto it and I found it was hard to balance. That should’ve been a warning sign, but I ignored it. I finally climbed on by holding on to the wall.

I rode it around the basement and it was fun. I enjoyed it and told the kids I wanted to get one. I did another lap and another, enjoying the slight breeze that ruffled my hair. I felt like a kid again. You know the feeling you used to get when everything was possible. Yeah, that feeling.

I decided to stop and get off. This decision was my undoing. I stepped off without the help of the wall and landed flat on my back. It was instantaneous. I didn’t have time to try and maintain my balance or anything. It was just BOOM!  I fell in front of my kids, the neighbor kids, and one of my son’s school friends. Oy!

This isn’t me, but I’m sure this is what I looked like falling.

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I laid there and remembered the first time I went rollerblading and broke my arm. That’s when I realized I don’t do well with wheels on my feet. Sigh.

The boys didn’t laugh. I thought they would. I probably would’ve if I were their age. What nice kids.

Luckily, I wasn’t hurt, but I did learn a valuable lesson. I’m not a kid anymore although my maturity level says the opposite.  🙂

So when one of your kids tries to get you on their hover board just remember what happened to me. It’s not as easy as it looks. Maybe if it came with poles? I don’t know. Just a thought.

Photo via Hans via Visual hunt

 

This has been a Public Service Announcement. 🙂