Are Your Kids Resilient?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’ve had a busy week of working and running, but sadly not writing, but I hope to remedy that this weekend. But enough about that. Today, I’d like to blog about building resilience in our kids?

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It seems like mass shootings are on the rise, suicides are on the rise, and our mental health is declining. These factors tell me that we need to build resilience in our kids. Life is hard and we need to help them handle the curveballs life throws at all of us.

So, how do we create resilience in our kids? I did a little research and I found there are seven key components to building resiliency.

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1. Competence.  Building competence goes beyond getting good grades. One of the best ways to build competence is to ask your child to complete a chore. Have him or her help around the house. Being able to cook and clean for themselves makes our children have confidence in their ability to take care of themselves which is also an important element of self-care.

• Confidence. In order to build confidence, we as parents need to praise them on their efforts as opposed to their intelligence. Kids who have a high level of confidence will be able to bounce back from failing a task. They are more likely to say they’re tactic didn’t work as opposed to they don’t have the ability to do the task. This is an important distinction.

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• Connection is another key component. Our children need to feel connected to the people around them, their family and friends. Disconnection is an element in mass shootings and suicides. We can help our kids feel connected when they’re struggling to master a skill by sharing our own stories of when we struggled. Knowing that it’s normal to struggle when mastering a skill will help them to overcome their frustration and accomplish their goal.

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• Secure in their character. Studies show that children are born with an innate desire to do the right thing. We as parents can help foster that by encouraging empathic behavior and helping them develop an internal moral compass.

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• Contributors. To help kids feel like contributors, show them how their efforts made the family event a success. Have them help with dinner or with the task of cleaning up, then tell them how their efforts made the task go faster or made it easier for you. Show them their actions matter.

• Cope. The ability to cope is another key factor in building resilience. Kids may appear confidence, but when things don’t go according to plan, they fall apart. The ability to manage difficult emotions when faced with adversity helps them view the challenge as a stumbling block. Something they can overcome as opposed to believing the task is beyond them.

• Control. The last factor is control. When a child is raised with consistent caregivers and clear boundaries and connected to the adults in their lives, they feel less stress when challenges arise.

For more information on Building Resilience, click https://www.whitbyschool.org/passionforlearning/7-key-characteristics-of-resilient-children

So, there you have it. The seven key components to building resilience in your kids. How do you build resilience? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

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Building Resilience

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a week of work and writing. I was also able to sneak in some gal pal time and hang with one of my closest friends. She is a sweetie.

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She’s also an artist. She is incredibly talented and supportive of all other artists whether they write, paint, or sculpt. I’ve found this type of support in the writing community as well. Creatives need to hang with other creatives. That’s all there is to it. We immediately understand the passion and drive to create and perfect.

My friend is teaching me how to paint, and I must say I’m learning in spite of myself. LOL! This winter while I’m hibernating, I’m also going to be writing and painting. I’m looking forward to winter. (A little bit 😉 I’m not a big fan of the cold anymore.)

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But enough about that. Today, I want to talk about building your resilience muscle. All creatives need to build resilience in the face of rejection and criticism. We need to teach our children how to be resilient, too. But first, let’s define it.

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Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.

According to Dr. Ginsburg a child psychologist there are seven C’s to resilience. They are listed below:

1. Competence
2. Confidence
3. Connection
4. Character
5. Contribution
6. Coping
7. Control

We need to teach our children self-care skills such as cooking, doing laundry, and cleaning. They need to be able to take care of themselves and their environment. Not only do they need to learn self-care skills, but skills that will help them to be independent and earn a living. By doing this they will develop confidence in themselves.

We also need to teach them that it’s okay to ask for help and to help others. That’s where the connection part of all of this comes in. It’s important to make connections with other people within our community. To know we can reach out if we’re in need. I feel a lack of connection or disconnection is the root cause of our school shootings and mass shootings, but that’s another blog post for another time.

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Character is another component. We need to be strong role models for our kids, and it must be genuine. Kids can tell when someone’s being inconsistent. Our words and our actions have to match.

Another component of resilience is contribution. It’s important for our kids to contribute to the household. This is where you can teach them cleaning skills. My boys contribute by vacuuming and dusting once a week. They also have learned to cook, and they clean up after themselves when they do cook. On a side note, it’s important that we as parents don’t criticize or find fault with their efforts. Remember they’re learning. They’re not going to do it perfectly the first few times, but with practice they’ll get better.

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Learning to cope with life’s ups and downs is another building block of resilience. We need to teach our kids good coping skills for when they’re in adverse situations. They need to learn how to assert themselves and speak their truth. They also need to learn how to cope with stress. We can model this behavior ourselves by dealing with our own stress in healthy ways.

The very last factor in building resilience is control. As long as we know how to control our emotions, we’ll build our resilience. This is hard to achieve, but it’s not impossible. I don’t mean we have to not feel our emotions or try to stuff them down deep. I mean we feel our emotions, but don’t act on them.  For example, let’s say your boss says something that makes you angry, but expressing that anger will hurt your career, so you choose to stay silent. That’s the kind of control that if mastered can help you build your resilience muscle.

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Each of these components are a building block for resilience. We all need to be resilient in our daily lives. How do you build your resilience? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!