In Real Life Connection vs. Engagement

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a week of work, writing, and running. It’s treadmill season at the Orchard household and I did something to my back the other day when I was running. It hasn’t gotten any better, and I fear I’m going to have to go to the doctor and get it checked out. It has been four days and it hasn’t gotten back to normal. Ugh.

But enough about that. Today, I’d like to talk about staying connected. With social media we can connect any time for any reason, but is it a true connection? I don’t think so, there’s nothing like taking the time to sit down with family and friends and spending good quality time with them.

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The social media platforms, be it Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, main intent is to keep you engaged. Behind the scenes, they analyze your likes and comments to learn what your interests are so they can plant more of those interests in your feeds. This keeps you on their site longer, and it appears like you’re connecting with friends and family, but in reality, it’s more about keeping you engaged than connecting with people.

Don’t get me wrong I love social media because it allows me to stay in touch with friends in other states and countries, but it doesn’t take the place of a true connection with your family and friends right here.

Just the other day, I had brunch with some friends and then we spent the afternoon painting together. It was an In Real Life Connection. One in which, I’m learning how to paint, and I must say Bob Ross is right, there are no mistakes just happy little accidents. 😉 But I digress, the point I’m trying to make is we need in person connection now more than ever. If we lose the ability to read social cues and body language, we’re going to set the human race back to the caveman era.

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Evidence suggests there is a correlation between the rise in suicide rates and the rise of social media. We have more access to more information than we’ve ever had. That means we have access to chat rooms and forums that are pro-suicide. Our kids have access to these forums. So, if you’re dealing with a child with some mental health issues and they find their way to one of these forums, it could be trouble.

Cyber-bullying has led to suicides as well, especially among the younger crowd. Social media has become an avenue for that also. So, it’s more important than ever to make sure you have a connection with your loved ones. We can never truly know what’s going on in someone’s mind unless we watch for the signs.

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But that’s not where I want to go with this. I digress again. Sorry. What I want to say is that maybe Social Media is the symptom, and the real disease is lack of connection or disconnection.

I believe that if it’s not the sole cause, it’s a big part of it. So, keep the communication open with your family and friends. Stay connected. Make sure your kids learn how to make an emotional connection with their friends, so they won’t feel isolated.

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So how do we stay connected with so many distractions?

1. Engage in a common interest like hiking or biking or robotics
2. Have family night where you play a card game or board game
3. Watch a movie together once a week
4. Take a family vacation

These are just a few ideas. There are many ways to make connections with your family. How do you connect with yours? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Don’t Look Now, But Social Media is Taking Control of Virtual Reality

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a stressful week of dealing with kid issues, a pandemic, work, and writing. Because I had a lot on my plate, I didn’t get a lot of writing done, but that’s okay. I needed to take a little break and refuel.

But enough about that, today I want to talk about a trend I see happening. First, I need to give you a little background, though.  Hubby and I were shopping for a virtual reality headset for the boys for Christmas. We found one we really liked because it wouldn’t be obsolete in two years. Anyway, we were all set to buy it when we discovered that in order to activate it, my son would have to open his own Facebook account.

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We dug in our heels and didn’t buy it. We don’t want our kids having social media accounts right now. Especially after watching the show “Social Dilemma.” I remember after watching that show, I made the remark to my hubby that soon this is going to be seeping into the kids’ video games, and not two months later we run into the above scenario.

This is dangerous. The reason being that it’s giving social media platforms way too much control. They are changing human behavior by creating personalized click bait for each member. Their goal is to increase engagement, so your child will spend his free time on their site. Now that they’re invading video games, they’re going after the younger crowd. They’re looking to expand their customer base and more importantly they’re going to gather the same information about your child that they’re gathering about you.

I don’t know how we can stop this. Facebook bought the company that created the virtual headset my hubby wanted to get for our son, so they can require this. No one is stopping them. So, what happens when your child spends more time with their computer than they do with people? Loss of social graces, loss of the ability to communicate face to face, and the loss of empathy.

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All these skills are needed to navigate today’s world. What happens if you as a parent do their do diligence and try to teach these skills to your children? They’ll be the only ones with these skills and get lost in a sea of dealing with socially inept humans. It’s a sad state of affairs. I’m not sure what we can do to stop this from happening.

Do we have the government regulate social media? Who trusts the government these days? What are your thoughts? Do you have any ideas? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

What Kind of World are We leaving for our Kids?

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a long week of working and writing.  Earlier today, I happened upon a Facebook post. It was one of my friends and she is a mom of young kids. She was complaining about the sticky doorknobs and the mess kids generally leave behind and was asking parents of older kids if they really missed the sticky mess.

 

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I’d like to answer that question and the answer is yes. I miss all of it. Sure, cleaning up after the kids wasn’t fun, but I kept it in perspective and didn’t beat myself up if my house didn’t look perfect. After all, I had kids, and I wanted them to grow up being comfortable, exploring their world. So, if it was a little messy, I was okay with that.

 

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I miss when my boys were little guys and they would snuggle with me before falling asleep. I miss that baby smell and their giggles and their adventurous spirits. So, yeah, I miss it.

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However, I love each stage they go through, and I love seeing them grow and learn. For example, when my youngest started reading before he started school. I loved that and I was so proud. I loved how he started doing Par-Core and mastered that. I loved when my oldest would come to me for help with his homework and when he started taking Karate lessons. I loved each stage.

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They amaze me with how much they’ve grown and learned. I love their personalities. My oldest for his quick wit, kindness, and honesty. My youngest for his drive, passion, and focus. I love the fact they get along and can compromise with each other. They both have amazing problem-solving skills.

But I also worry. I worry about how cruel this world can be. I hope I’ve helped them develop enough skills so they can survive it. Not only survive it, but to thrive in it. I know that’s what every parent wants, but right now our world is not a happy place.

 

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I wonder what the new school year will bring. I wonder how my kids will be learning and if it will be a good experience for them. I worry about their social skills. They haven’t been using them as much lately because they’ve been communicating with friends online.

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I also wonder about what kind of world we’ll be leaving behind for them. What’s going to happen with all the chaos going on right now? Will it change anything? I sincerely hope so, but I don’t know. I worry about the problems they’ll be inheriting and how they’ll affect them.

I hope when we’re finished with all this craziness, the world will be a better place. Our kids deserve it.

 

 

Can We be Fixed?

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after another week of lock down with some rioting thrown into the mix. These are strange times indeed. Our world has been turned upside down. Our world is broken.

 

 

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I don’t know what to make of it. Will things ever get back to normal? There’s been communication from our school district that if classes resume in the fall there will be six feet between students, no cafeteria, and no recess for our elementary students. I’m not happy about this. How can they say NO RECESS?

 

Kids that age need to move.

 

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Then there’s the rioting, and it scares me. It wasn’t close to us by any means, but it could have been. What kind of world are we leaving to our kids?  We need to wake up. Our system is broken. We can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results, but what can we do?

 

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I’m at a loss. The politicians say we must get out and vote, but for what? I think both parties have their own agendas and what do you do when you’re given two choices for president and you don’t like either one?

 

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I don’t have any answers at the moment, but there is at least one positive coming out of all this mess. People are coming together. Cops are marching along with protesters. Protesters are being heard. Yes, there’s destruction and looting, but communities are also coming together to clean up the mess. They’re helping the police by taking pictures of the destructors and looters with their phones and turning them over to the authorities. The people are coming together. Finally.

 

I don’t know what our new normal is going to be, but I do see some solidarity amidst all the chaos and that my friends is a good thing. Are all the problems solved? No. But we’ve taken a big step forward. What is our next step? I don’t know. Maybe limiting the terms of our congressmen and senators. Maybe limiting the amount someone can spend on a campaign. Maybe limiting the amount companies and organizations can contribute to a campaign. That way politicians can’t be bought. Well, theoretically anyway. 😉

How about you? Do you have any ideas how to fix our broken system? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

Who’s Accountable when a Cop crosses the Line?

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today after a long week of working. I’ve finished editing my story and it’s off to the beta reader. I’ve already started plotting out a new story and I’m excited about this one, too. Hopefully, I can do it justice. 😊

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But enough about that, today I’d like to talk about what’s going on in the world. These are strange times indeed, with a pandemic and rioting because it’s forcing businesses and non-profit organizations to close, tensions are high, and that’s not even the worst of it. A black man was killed this week by police officers. They didn’t even try to hide the fact they were doing it even when there were witnesses video taping the whole thing. This sickens me. The cop who did this was fired then arrested, but it’s not enough. It will never bring George Floyd back to life.

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Most of us live in a bubble. We focus on our jobs and raising our kids and stuff like this rarely touches us. It happens in some other city and some other state, so we don’t feel threatened by it, but this kind of blatant disregard for human life can’t be ignored. How did Derek Chauvin even become a police officer? According to a source, he had twelve complaints of police brutality.  Why was he still on the force?

 

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There was plenty of evidence that this man had a problem. Why does it take something like a murder before action is taken? Why wasn’t he put on leave and forced to go to a psychiatrist to keep his job?

 

The only answer I can come up with is that his superiors and colleagues didn’t think it would ever lead to this, but shouldn’t we be preventing things like this from happening? Especially when he had a history of police brutality?

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I think we should not only hold the officer himself accountable but also the institution that allowed this to happen in the first place. I’m glad he was fired and I’m glad he was arrested. I hope he goes to prison for a long time, but it shouldn’t end there. I think there needs to be some accountability for his superiors for allowing him to continue working when he had so many accusations of police brutality against him. These are warning signs that something bigger could happen, and in this situation, it did.

 

How do you feel about the situation?  Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you!