Let’s End the Mom Wars

 

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you. I’m back today and I’m talking about the Mom Wars. You know what they are, where Moms become competitive with each other over mothering. Whenever I see it I groan. It drives me absolutely nuts.

Photo credit: hans s via VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

I remember talking to one parent in particular. My kids weren’t friends with her kids, but we’d end up running into each other at the park and we’d compare notes. For example, what movie my kids liked and what one they didn’t. She’d tell me what play areas were good and which ones weren’t and so on. However, each time we parted, I felt frustrated and I wasn’t sure why. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. So the next time we talked, I paid attention to what was going on, and I noticed that every time I shared an experience that I enjoyed, she had one that was better. It was like we were competing over how many play dates we’d taken our kids on that week or who took their kids to the best zoo. I tested this hypothesis out a number of times and came up with the same conclusion. It got so bad I had to take my kids to a different park just to avoid her. I was afraid, afraid she’d run me off the path with her stroller, or push me down when I was occupied with the merry-go-round. You just don’t know about people these days. 😉

Photo credit: donnierayjones via Visual hunt / CC BY

I began to see it everywhere, this underlying competitiveness. Where did we get the idea that there was only one way to parent and that our way was the only way to do it? I mean every mom is the best mom they can be to their kids, right? Instead of being competitive we should be supportive.

What Mom wouldn’t give twenty minutes of alone time during the day? We should become collaborative instead of competitive. I mean if we banded together, think about how less stressed we’d be. It really does take a village to raise kids these days.

Photo credit: cambodia4kidsorg via Visual Hunt / CC BY

I see this nasty competition among women over everything.  I see it in the young girls and older generations. It’s as if we believe that there’s only this one man, this one job, or this one friend that’s available. And to be fair sometimes that’s the way it is, but not all the time.

To achieve this mutual support, we need to first accept and love ourselves just as we are. I believe this is the key right here. Because if we can accept and love ourselves just as we are, then we give permission for the other moms to do the same thing. We are all individuals and there is more than one way to achieve our goal of raising healthy, well-adjusted kids.

We should start by organizing mom clubs, where we take turns watching each other’s kids or band together and organize awesome play dates. We’d have one rule. We couldn’t compare ourselves to the others. We could offer suggestions to solve problems, but that’s it.

Photo credit: amanda.venner via Visualhunt / CC BY-NC-SA

I’ve heard whisperings that there are clubs like this already in existence, but I don’t know where they are or how they’re organized. Do you belong to one of these clubs? How is it working for you? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

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About Lisa Orchard

I'm a Young Adult Author with two new series, "The Starlight Chronicles" and "The Super Spies." The first one's a coming of age series and the second one's a mystery/thriller series. I'm also the mother of two boys who keep me hopping and they're my inspiration for everything. When I'm not shuttling my boys to school or a play date, I'm writing. When I'm not writing, I'm reading, hiking, or sometimes running. I love anything chocolate and scary movies too.
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27 Responses to Let’s End the Mom Wars

  1. Bernadette says:

    Lisa, I agree with you. The whole idea of feminism is to support each other and not to buy into the idea of scarcity.

  2. sharonledwith says:

    That woman is just reflecting her insecurities back to you, Lisa. Let it roll off your shoulders and drop in the muck. Stand in your truth, girlfriend!

  3. Nope no clubs here. Where I live is weird. We’re not from here so it’s very difficult for us to make friends

  4. Great post! When my youngest was a baby, I joined a mom and tot group. I have to say that it was a relief to find other moms and not feel alone. They were supportive and friendly and it gave me a place to get out of the house. However, there have been other times where I haven’t had that support, especially when it comes to sports moms. Now, that’s competitive! LOL. I’ve learned that I am ok to not be part of that crowd, I am ok to nod and walk away and I am really ok not to be friends with that type of person. Through it all, I’ve taught my daughters to stand up for what they believe in, not exclude others, and to speak up for those that have not found their voice. We can’t change those women, but we can change ourselves and surround ourselves with positive individuals.

  5. I think we just need to focus on bettering ourselves, and helping others better themselves. 🙂

  6. Love this-“I mean every mom is the best mom they can be to their kids, right? Instead of being competitive we should be supportive.” I wish more moms believed this.

  7. I’ve seen this a lot with my own mom. She wasn’t a great mom, at least to me, yet when you hear her talk about her friends’ kids, they are doing everything wrong, and should come to her to fix it. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to have kids.

    • Lisa Orchard says:

      I understand how you feel. I think every generation learns from the previous one. Sometimes we learn what not to do. I was nervous about being a mom, too, and I didn’t have my kids until late in life. But I’ll tell you, I’m glad I did. They change your life in a lot of good ways. I don’t regret having them that’s for sure.

  8. I think part of it is that women are naturally competitive. I think we are every bit as competitive as men, yet we have no healthy outlet for it. I see women who drive themselves crazy trying to make the PERFECT home, cook the BEST MEALS, and have the BEST DRESSED kids in the neighborhood. I always think that these women have as much drive and ability as any Corporate CEO, but they have no outlet for it so they drive their families crazy and break their budgets trying to compete in this manner. That’s why I think these little home businesses are a good thing. They can stay home with the kiddos and keep them safe and happy, but have a healthy outlet for their excess energies, and also bring in a little extra money to help the family. I look at my sons and wonder how they will manage if they have to raise a family as a sole breadwinner with a stay at home wife. That is a lot of pressure on a guy, so I think it helps to have both parties contributing to the bills rather than worrying about making the PERFECT Pinterest-worthy home. #SITSSharefest

    • Lisa Orchard says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Adrian. I believe you’re right. Women are as competitive as men, but we have been ingrained to be nice. So the competitive spirit comes out in unhealthy ways. Although, I think we’ve made great strides for women. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but we can do so much more. There’s still work to be done. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your views. I enjoyed reading them. 🙂

  9. Eugenia says:

    Nice blog post Lisa.

  10. Great post and I agree. I think one reason why mom’s do this have to do with vulnerability and shame. When I read your post, I thought of Brene Brown’s two TED Talks on those two subjects. I highly recommend them. I think Mom clubs are a great idea. I reached out to mom’s more in this way when my kids were much younger. Toddlers and early elementary aged. Now my youngest is almost 10 and I don’t need the support as much I guess. I’m going to post this post on my blog today. I do my own version of #SundayBlogShare.

  11. Pingback: #SundayBlogShare #3 – All The Things I've Learned and Love

  12. It’s infuriating. It’s starts when the kids are super young, too. You have to hear how early they crawl, sleep through the night, take their first steps. It sometimes feels like parents live vicariously through their children instead of having their own accomplishments.

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