Dealing with the Pain of Ostracization

 

Hello everyone. I hope all is well with you. I’m back today and I’m talking about Ostracization. Did you know rejecting, ostracizing, or dissing one of your peers can have major effects on their immune system? If sustained, these changes can increase risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, mental illness, and some cancers.

This worries me as a parent. How do we combat the effects of this behavior? I’m sure everyone has faced this type of rejection before. It is very painful and can create depression and anxiety in our child.

Did you know that chronic ostracization can lead to violent behavior? According to a study performed of fifteen school shootings, eight seven percent of them were a direct result of ongoing exclusion.  This is alarming.  (For more information click this link: http://www.alternet.org/culture/social-death-penalty-why-being-ostracized-hurts-even-more-bullying)

 

Photo credit: danielfoster437 via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Since school shootings are on the rise, we need to combat or deal with this problem. Not only to help end violence, but to maintain the mental and physical well-being of our children.

Why are certain people ostracized?

That is a good question. Ostracization expresses a group fear. It can be either physical or spiritual.  The person being ostracized is considered a threat in some way.

The problem is the communication between the group and the individual ceases. The individual may not even know how he’s threatening the group, so there is no possibility of recourse.

What can you do if your teen is ostracized?

 

Photo credit: Ed Yourdon via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-SA

Well, the first thing we need to do as parents is realize there is a cycle your child will go through.  Click the link below for more information:

http://ostracism-awareness.com/recovery/

  1. There is a period of grieving. The individual will mourn the loss of the group.
  2. After that the individual happily removes anything that reminds them of the person or group ostracizing them.
  3. The next stage is Lifting. The person is distracted by life and let’s go of the group that ostracized him. The distraction of life lifts the person out of the grief cycle and they move forward.

Ways to help your teen deal with Ostracization:

  1. Keep the lines of communication open with your teen. If he’s willing to talk to you about what’s happening, you’ll be able to help him deal with this problem.
  2. Be sure your child can identify the difference between unkind behavior and bullying.
  3. Discuss what is controllable and what isn’t. We have no control over other people’s behavior, but we do have control over how we react to it. Discuss ways your child can cope with this and deal with the feelings this type of behavior brings out.
  4. Give advice but don’t fix things. It’s natural for parents to want to step in and fix the situation for their children, but it’s not recommended. Instead, let your child decide how he wants to cope with it and support his decision. This will go a long way to building self-esteem.
  5. Encourage participation in outside activities. Help your child develop new friendships and rebuild his support system. This can be extra-curricular activities at school, sports, or church groups.
  6. Consider outside help. If your teen seems depressed or isn’t coping well call a professional to help.

 

For more information click the link below:

http://bullying.about.com/od/Victims/a/How-To-Help-Your-Child-Deal-With-Being-Ostracized.htm

 

Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I hope I’ve given you some good information on ways to help your teen deal with rejection. It’s painful, but they can recover. If you’d like to share your ideas leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

 

Related Articles:

Can We Prevent Mass Shootings?

 

Volunteering: Another Solution to Teen Angst

 

What is the Underlying cause of Violence in our Schools?

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About Lisa Orchard

I'm a Young Adult Author with two new series, "The Starlight Chronicles" and "The Super Spies." The first one's a coming of age series and the second one's a mystery/thriller series. I'm also the mother of two boys who keep me hopping and they're my inspiration for everything. When I'm not shuttling my boys to school or a play date, I'm writing. When I'm not writing, I'm reading, hiking, or sometimes running. I love anything chocolate and scary movies too.
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