How can you stop a Bully?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you! A fellow blogger asked me to discuss a topic that’s near and dear to everyone’s heart, and since October is National Bullying Prevention month, I thought why not? So, you guessed it the topic for this post is Bullying.

Did you know one of the underlying causes of violence in our schools and teen suicide is bullying? In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death for teenagers between the ages of fifteen to twenty four. To me, this is heartbreaking news, especially since bullying is easily preventable.

What is bullying?

According to Wikipedia, bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power.

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse emotional, verbal, and physical. It usually starts out as verbal abuse, and if it has not stopped in time, it escalates to physical abuse.

Who are the bullies?

Again, according to Wikipedia, research indicates that people with a strong need to control or dominate tend to be bullies. Further studies indicate that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying.

While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, others use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety. By demeaning others, they feel empowered by their dominance.

Who are the victims?

People who react to stressful situations by perceiving themselves as victims tend to be the best targets for bullying. These people give the response the bully is looking for, submission. However, if the target responds with a clear attitude of self-confidence that somehow demonstrates that the bully’s attempt at control is futile, then the bullying will quickly diminish or end all together.

There is another factor to bullying that is intriguing. Despite the large number of individuals who do not agree with the bully’s tactics, very few will intervene on behalf of the victim.

In 85% of bullying incidents, bystanders are involved in teasing the victim or egging on the bully. This gives the bully permission to continue behaving badly and may actually increase the behavior.

The reason the bystanders behave this way is that they want to avoid becoming a victim themselves.

Sadly, all it would take is one or two people standing up for the victim to stop the bullying behavior.

What can a victim do?

I found some excellent advice from the link below.

http://library.thinkquest.org/07aug/00117/victimscando.html

They stress the HA HA SO method:

H  Ask for help from friends, teachers, parents, or other adults.

A  Assert yourself. The best way to do this is by using I statements.  For example:  “I feel _____ when you _______.”

H  Humor. The bully wants to upset you, so instead of getting mad use humor to diffuse the situation. Be ready with a joke.

A  Avoid. Stay away from the bully as much as possible

S  Self talk.  If you are being bullied, think of good things about yourself even if the bully is picking on you.

O  Own it. Sometimes what the bully says might be true, so you can own the comment.  For example, if a bully is making fun of you because you wear glasses you can say “All the better to see you with.”  You can’t deny you wear glasses, but you don’t have to be ashamed of it either.

Of course, these techniques might not work all the time, nothing is foolproof, but to learn more go to:

http://library.thinkquest.org/07aug/00117/victimscando.html

I hope this information was helpful to you! If you have any suggestions or tips to share, please post them in a comment. I’d love to hear from you!