How can you stop a Bully?

Hello everyone, I hope all is well with you! A fellow blogger asked me to discuss a topic that’s near and dear to everyone’s heart, and since October is National Bullying Prevention month, I thought why not? So, you guessed it the topic for this post is Bullying.

Did you know one of the underlying causes of violence in our schools and teen suicide is bullying? In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death for teenagers between the ages of fifteen to twenty four. To me, this is heartbreaking news, especially since bullying is easily preventable.

What is bullying?

According to Wikipedia, bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power.

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse emotional, verbal, and physical. It usually starts out as verbal abuse, and if it has not stopped in time, it escalates to physical abuse.

Who are the bullies?

Again, according to Wikipedia, research indicates that people with a strong need to control or dominate tend to be bullies. Further studies indicate that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying.

While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, others use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety. By demeaning others, they feel empowered by their dominance.

Who are the victims?

People who react to stressful situations by perceiving themselves as victims tend to be the best targets for bullying. These people give the response the bully is looking for, submission. However, if the target responds with a clear attitude of self-confidence that somehow demonstrates that the bully’s attempt at control is futile, then the bullying will quickly diminish or end all together.

There is another factor to bullying that is intriguing. Despite the large number of individuals who do not agree with the bully’s tactics, very few will intervene on behalf of the victim.

In 85% of bullying incidents, bystanders are involved in teasing the victim or egging on the bully. This gives the bully permission to continue behaving badly and may actually increase the behavior.

The reason the bystanders behave this way is that they want to avoid becoming a victim themselves.

Sadly, all it would take is one or two people standing up for the victim to stop the bullying behavior.

What can a victim do?

I found some excellent advice from the link below.

http://library.thinkquest.org/07aug/00117/victimscando.html

They stress the HA HA SO method:

H  Ask for help from friends, teachers, parents, or other adults.

A  Assert yourself. The best way to do this is by using I statements.  For example:  “I feel _____ when you _______.”

H  Humor. The bully wants to upset you, so instead of getting mad use humor to diffuse the situation. Be ready with a joke.

A  Avoid. Stay away from the bully as much as possible

Self talk.  If you are being bullied, think of good things about yourself even if the bully is picking on you.

O  Own it. Sometimes what the bully says might be true, so you can own the comment.  For example, if a bully is making fun of you because you wear glasses you can say “All the better to see you with.”  You can’t deny you wear glasses, but you don’t have to be ashamed of it either.

Of course, these techniques might not work all the time, nothing is foolproof, but to learn more go to:

http://library.thinkquest.org/07aug/00117/victimscando.html

I hope this information was helpful to you! If you have any suggestions or tips to share, please post them in a comment. I’d love to hear from you!

Advertisements

About Lisa Orchard

I'm a Young Adult Author with two new series, "The Starlight Chronicles" and "The Super Spies." The first one's a coming of age series and the second one's a mystery/thriller series. I'm also the mother of two boys who keep me hopping and they're my inspiration for everything. When I'm not shuttling my boys to school or a play date, I'm writing. When I'm not writing, I'm reading, hiking, or sometimes running. I love anything chocolate and scary movies too.
This entry was posted in Teen and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to How can you stop a Bully?

  1. sharonledwith says:

    Never heard of the HA HA SO method, Lisa! Thanks for sharing this! Hopefully it will make someone’s life easier. Hugs!

  2. Thanks for writing about bullying, Lisa! However, my one problem with your post is that it should be all over the Internet, rather than just on your blog, to help those who are being bullied right this moment! I think someone should also write this to all teenagers being bullied: “If you commit suicide, the bully will have won…If you determine you really want to live and report the bullying, you will have won.”

    • Lisa Orchard says:

      I agree Rosanne! I wish there was a way that I could get this all over the internet…but I’m not sure how! Any suggestions? Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

      • you welcome, Lisa 🙂 I was more than happy to read your post and to share my thoughts! Concerning your question: the only suggestion I can think of at this particular moment is for me to put your blog link into my website’s “Helpful Sites for You!” page, where I promote lots of other websites, literary magazines & journals, and fellow authors and their books. Do I have your permission to put your blog link on my site’s “Helpful Links for You!” page? If so, thank you!

      • Lisa Orchard says:

        You sure do! And thanks for following my blog, I hope I write interesting articles for you! 🙂

  3. Awesome post! I would love for you to check out the event I started last year. Anti-Bully Project – http://antibullyproject.com – It’s a month long virtual event that brings authors, bloggers, etc. together to help raise awareness and help put an end to bullying.

    A

  4. Thank you for sharing, Lisa! I had never heard of the HA HA SO method either. But… it sounds like very sound advice against a bully. Anti-bullying is a topic I have been writing about as well. I am trying to make one of my characters, Clarinda Cloud, a spokescloud for anti-bullying. I think bullying is a growing problem that doesn’t need to happen!

  5. Pingback: Identify Who Behaves Badly: Respect Lesson 7 | Who Do You Respect?

  6. angieblake says:

    This is a wonderful article against bullying. I too, have a book called Creek the Geek out. It speaks out against bullying. Thank you, I think these are wonderful tips about bullying that every person needs to know. In the work place, or otherwise. Thanks so much! Angie Blake

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s